30

No, I am not turning 30... Still got a couple more years for that adventure! But 30 is the amount of weight I have lost since I graduated from my M.A. program back in May. I was a whopping 200 pounds when I graduated, and I am between 168-170 now.

How'd I do it?

I switched my diet completely. I switched to all organic and I started eating a lot more fruits and vegetables. I am dating someone who is on the same path as me when it comes to food, so that helped. Then I got a juicer. The beloved had a juicer when we first started going together, and we juiced at least once a weekend when we stayed at his house. Then I bought mine in October and I have been juicing ever since. It's amazing! We go through a ton of produce, but I feel so good juicing! I would like to do a week of nothing but juice, but gotta make sure the beloved is on board because it may not work too well if only I am doing it... I lack self-discipline sometimes. Plus, it's always good to have a buddy with you.

At the end of November I developed this HORRID stomach problem. Most likely to the ridiculousness of the holiday and people being retarded. I was stressed about money, about gifts, about being away from my love... It caused me not to be able to eat that much. I tried to eat a little bit here and there, but it felt like there was a knife in my stomach at all times. I dropped a lot of weight going through that. about 10 pounds... It finally got better in January when I realized that everything is fine! Being away from the beloved was ok, the house was ours, we were moving soon... it all just fell into place.

We got away from juicing for the first month we lived in the new house; we were always doing stuff and needed quick food. Of course we still ate good, healthy, organic food, but juicing happened maybe once or twice a week.

We've been juicing now for two weeks straight; every morning we prepare our fresh veggies (4 carrots, 3 stalks of celery, 3 lettuce leaves, half a beet each) and fruit (1 apple only half per person). It is so delicious and it gives me essential vitamins and nutrients to get through the day.

Since I have lost so much weight, I made it a goal on Sunday to start running every day. It's so much easier to run without all that weight on me. I ran a half marathon last January and felt like I was going to die. Because when you're 200 pounds, you haven't trained, and you have to run/walk 13.1 miles, you feel like you're gonna die. So now I run around our neighborhood every day. I wasn't going to yesterday, but as I was walking to the mailbox, I literally yelled at myself and said I was being stupid. The loop around the neighborhood that I am doing is only .7 miles, but it's a start. I think the last time I started running, my problem was going balls to the wall, which made me not want to run anymore. the .7 mile though isn't a flat awesome run. No. There are hills... our whole neighborhood is filled with huge steep hills since we're on the base of the mountain (literally. the trail to is right up the street). But It's getting easier and I am getting faster. I stop less, and I congratulate myself every time I run. I want to be able to run the whole loop without stopping, and then I will incorporate a second loop. I will become a runner and I will tone these damn legs. One thing about losing weight and not doing it with exercise is that you get horrible cellulite and jiggles. So it's my goal to tone these babies up and continue to lose more weight.

I know I can do it. I have come this far. I want to lose another 20-30 pounds, but will take one step at a time. As long as I am healthy and fit, I can't complain, even if that means only losing 5 more pounds.

maybe it's all the books... or an awakening

As of lately, I have been having a lot of dreams/flash backs to different times. It could be the books that I am reading that are bringing things that I have kept hidden to the surface. It could be the direction my life has taken (what a great direction it's been). It could be just me going deeper into my core, my soul, myself in order to figure out where I've been, whose been there, what's happened. This whole new experience could be something that has been coming for a long time, but it's just now hit me because I am finally in a place where I am exceedingly happy and open to whatever the universe needs to throw at me.

Last night was an interesting night. I went to bed at 10 pm, and woke up at 1 am after having a dream. A good dream, that's for sure, but I don't even know if it was a dream, or a premonition from the past. It felt so real, so familiar, like I had been there and heard the words before. I then woke up at 3, again after a dream, which I cannot remember. I woke up at 4 and then again at 6. I finally woke up at 7 because there was a knocking on our roof. Can I just say that this happens a lot and it always wakes us up and we start our day. I for sure see it as being a sign to wake up and start our day, but sometimes, I try so hard to ignore it. And when that happens, it becomes more consistent and more loud. What's interesting is that while we were taking a shower this morning, beloved woke up at the exact same times I did throughout this morning. He also heard the knocking on the roof at 7.

This morning was the first time in the past couple days that I have actually dreamt, or rather, remembered my dreams. I have been sick since Thursday, so I have been sleeping for 13-14 hours a night, but I think my body has been so busy trying to kill this head cold, that it hasn't had time to fully relax and let me enter sleep state. So it was nice to have these dreams today, and to know that I remembered some of them. And that they could easily be past lives, past realities... that they may not be dreams, but to remember what's happened in the past, who was there, and what was said. It took me awhile to finally remember the main dream, but once I did, it came back in full, colourful detail.