The past month has been a test on my being. Let me explain.
Three years ago, I had a root canal done on one of my back teeth. The dentist I went to said he was the best in his class at root canals, so I thought I was in good hands. The root canal happened and it didn't hurt too bad and I thought that was that. HOWEVER, it was still hurting; I had this dull achey pain in my tooth and it only felt better when I stuck my nail inbetween the teeth to alleviate the pressure. I went into his office a lot... And every time it was considered an "emergency visit" which essentially eats up your insurance. He also gave me a filling in a tooth that didn't need a filling saying that was the cause of it. We took x-rays, we did hot/cold tests, he made me bite hard on things... It was a huge ordeal. And then I just stopped going because I was starting to feel like I was C-RAZY!
With my new job, I finally got health and dental insurance. So I went to a new dentist. The first day I went in there he took awesome 3-D x-ray's of my mouth and when I told him I had been having a problem with this one tooth for three years, he looked at the tooth on the x-ray and IMMEDIATELY said it was because there was a missed canal. SEE! I WASN'T CRAZY AFTER ALL! So, I went and saw a specialist, who I adore and trust. We scheduled to have the retreatment done. Caution, it's about to get gross. When my appointment finally came around, he opened the tooth and it was entirely black with bacteria and infection. BLACK! AS MIDNIGHT! are his exact words. I was MORTIFIED. Cause, ew... that is gross! and, who knows how my body has been compensating for trying to fight it off for three years. He cleaned it all up, removed the shitty filling material the old doctor used, got the missed canal all sparkley.
I had to be on one antibiotic before the procedure. Once I was done with the procedure, he gave me ANOTHER antibiotic because the infection was so bad. I felt fine Friday and Saturday, but Sunday it started to hurt really bad. By Monday, I thought my tooth was going to EXPLODE from my GUMS. The pressure was intense. I went into the doctor and started crying cause it HURT SO DAMN BAD. He put me on ANOTHER antibiotic. He warned me that retreatments sucked, and with the extent of infection and bacteria in my tooth, he knew it was going to be bad. I left work early that Monday and went home. I took the antibiotics, a pain killer, and a pill to help with the nauseau. I fell asleep for a few hours, but as soon as I woke up, I puked for five hours straight.
My and the toilet were BFFs just then. I couldn't even keep down my saliva. I could taste the pills on my mouth, which just made me even more sick. Chris came into the bathroom after me being in there for 20 minutes and I was laying on the floor, crying, exhausted, and still in a ridiculous amount of pain. I almost made him take me to the emergency room cause it felt just so horrible. I was freaking out cause I couldn't hydrate myself... it's a scary feeling. Turns out I am allergic to hydrocodone... awesome way of finding out! I took Tuesday and Wednesday off to recooperate and try and build back my strength. i was going to sleep at 7-7.30 and waking up around 7-7.30 in the morning. My whole body was weak and achey. My brain hurt. I worked all of Thursday and Friday, but everyone left me alone because as my boss said, "you look like death!"
That next week, I felt 100% better. I rode my bike, which was probably a little too ambitious, but I rode it the entire week and the only time it really sucked was that first day. I went back this week and everything was clean and perfect! He finished the rest of the root canal by filling the canals and giving me a temporary. Now I just need a crown, which is scheduled at the beginning of August. Whew!
Now, I am getting ready to take my first ever road trip. And a first road trip with the beloved! We are leaving tomorrow afternoon and heading up to the North Rim for a night. We will stay there, catch the sunset, maybe do some hiking around and go to sleep. Saturday morning we'll wake up and head to Bryce Canyon for a night or two, and then head to Zion NP for another night or two. It's gonna be hot... I know this. We are doing this in the MIDDLE of summer, but I think it will be fun. We'll be stinky, and sweaty, and Alice (my car) doesn't have air conditioning, so it will be a full on hot sweaty party! Once we are done with Zion, depending on how we feel, we might drive straight to Carson City/Lake Tahoe to spend a few nights with my family. If we don't feel like driving 9 hours straight, we'll head to Yosemite for a night and then mozy up to Carson City the next morning. Yosemite is only about 2 hours away from Carson, so it might be a nice break.
We plan on stopping a lot, stretching out legs, hiking, swimming (hopefully in Zion, or at least getting our feet wet), reading, and enjoying the outdoors. I want to take a lot of pictures of this trip. I have never seen any of these places before (minus Carson/Tahoe) so I want to document everything! Scenery, the two of us, us seperately... We are bringing my mini professional camera, and the beloveds major professional camera. I am really looking forward to it.
Tonight we are going grocery shopping and prepping food. We'll work a half day tomorrow, but hopefully be out of here by 11 or 12! And then our epic road trip begins!
I went to a sporting store yesterday to buy a full protection hat, and I also bought those athletic skirts that have shorts underneath them and are quick dry. I tried on two sizes, a 10 and a 12. I fit into BOTH! The 10 fit great, however, I picked the bigger size just for comfort and sitting in a car. But maybe after this trip I can go and get that 10. I don't really see the weight loss anymore (have the fat girl mentality), but it's awesome to know that I can wear a medium in a shirt and can buy size 10 pants, which has never happened... or at least, not in the past 10 years. This is the smallest I have been since middle school. It feels great! And when I tell people I have lost 40 pounds, I always get high-fives, like I did yesterday at the sporting goods store.
Will share our adventures when we return on the 9th. :)
Thursday, June 28, 2012
Saturday, June 9, 2012
I may have lost 40 lbs., but...
that doesn't mean I am in shape! I have lost 40 pounds since I graduated last year from my Graduate program. 40 POUNDS! That's like a 3rd grader! I can kind of see the weight gone (I am always gonna have fat-girl mentality, probably). My boobs shrank, my waist shrank, but you know, I am not exactly ripped and cellulite free. nevertheless, this is the time to now start toning and making it even more noticeable. I want to lose another 10-20 pounds. That would put me between 144-154. Which, would be the smallest I can remember being ever.
I have always been a big girl. I got my great grandma's German, childbearing hips. It took me a long time to be ok with these hips of mine. I like them even more now because there isn't 6 inches of fat around them. More like 2.5 inches, which isn't soo bad, but still not the way I want it to be. I am 5'10". I have always been big boned (literally, my bone mass is crazy insane). I have always been over weight and went through every eating disorder you can think of when I was in high school/college.
I bought a bike a week ago, and it is my goal for the rest of the summer/fall/until it snows to ride my bike to and from work every day. If I have an appointment, I will leave work an extra 15 minute early and ride home to get my car. We have a huge, giant, apeshit crazy hill to defeat every morning when we head to work. The first day I rode to work, I stopped three times and had to walk cause I thought my heart was going to explode from my chest (like I said, it's easier losing the weight, but it doesn't mean you're in shape.) Wednesday when I rode into work, I only stopped once, for maybe 1 minute, and then I made that hill my bitch. And it was my bitch. And while it was hard, a mind-fuck, and extremely exhausting, I freaking fist pumped myself when I got done with it. I fucking killed that hill! It felt so wonderful. we have some hills on the way home too (hello flagstaff), and I didn't stop at all when I went up those hills, which I usually do (3-4 times). Each day I ride my bike I feel better. It get's better, and I will tone these wobbly thunder thighs in no time. And, I will continue to lose weight and eat the way I eat.
I have been trying to eliminate gluten entirely. The only type of gluten I currently consume flour tortillas. Gluten-free tortillas, or at least the ones I have had, taste HORRIBLE. I eat corn tortillas, sure, but when you are having fajitas, you just gotta have a nice warm flour tortilla. I just made some 100% organic, vegan, and gluten-free pumpkin bread. With no sugar! Yeah, no sugar, and it tastes freakin' amazing. I made banana bread last weekend and I couldn't eat it because it made me feel so gross. At least I am starting to pay more attention to my body and what it does and does not like. Food is an important thing for me. For everyone. And changing my diet to 100% organic, cutting out gluten, and processed foods has made a difference. Of course I go out to eat once a week (Thai food every Sunday), but that's once a week. And it's Thai food--somewhat healthy Thai food. Even though I don't know where the food is coming from or what type it is (most likely not organic), allowing myself that one indulgence a week isn't gonna kill me. I have been eating all organic for almost a year now. I cut out 90% of gluten in November last year, so I am still not a year nor am I 100%. But, hey, it's a start. I also realize that I don't crave sugar anymore. Or coffee. Sure, I will have a piece of chocolate (usually dark), but I don't feel the need to eat it all the time. Same with coffee. I drink a glass of tea on the weekdays and usually two or three during the weekend. Depending on if I get to lounge around or go digging in the garden (no one likes to drink hot tea when it's hot outside and you're raising your body temperature).
Now that we have a huge veggie garden, I am really excited to be able to eat out of that soon. Our lettuces are already ready to be picked and consumed! We have: Red onions, white onions, green onions, beets, broccoli, kale, cabbage, chard, three types of lettuce, spinach, burgundy beans, carrots, cauliflower, pumpkin, winter squash, another type of squash, zucchini, two types of cucumbers, five different types of tomatoes, basil, marigold... That's a slot of stuff. I still haven't planted all the seeds I have (corn, sugar snap peas, fennel, etc. etc.).
I have spent a lot of time in my garden. I talk to it on a regular basis. And it's just so awesome. Next, when we get chickens, it will be nice to always have fresh eggs available. AND VEGETABLES! We're gonna be self-sustaining here soon! It's awesome! And it's all organic, all local, and all right in my backyard.
God, I love having a house. And being able to do this all by myself and get that much more excited and credit for it all. Sure, you can hire a landscaper, but hell, that's no fun! Fruits of my labour right in my back yard. Literally!
I have always been a big girl. I got my great grandma's German, childbearing hips. It took me a long time to be ok with these hips of mine. I like them even more now because there isn't 6 inches of fat around them. More like 2.5 inches, which isn't soo bad, but still not the way I want it to be. I am 5'10". I have always been big boned (literally, my bone mass is crazy insane). I have always been over weight and went through every eating disorder you can think of when I was in high school/college.
I bought a bike a week ago, and it is my goal for the rest of the summer/fall/until it snows to ride my bike to and from work every day. If I have an appointment, I will leave work an extra 15 minute early and ride home to get my car. We have a huge, giant, apeshit crazy hill to defeat every morning when we head to work. The first day I rode to work, I stopped three times and had to walk cause I thought my heart was going to explode from my chest (like I said, it's easier losing the weight, but it doesn't mean you're in shape.) Wednesday when I rode into work, I only stopped once, for maybe 1 minute, and then I made that hill my bitch. And it was my bitch. And while it was hard, a mind-fuck, and extremely exhausting, I freaking fist pumped myself when I got done with it. I fucking killed that hill! It felt so wonderful. we have some hills on the way home too (hello flagstaff), and I didn't stop at all when I went up those hills, which I usually do (3-4 times). Each day I ride my bike I feel better. It get's better, and I will tone these wobbly thunder thighs in no time. And, I will continue to lose weight and eat the way I eat.
I have been trying to eliminate gluten entirely. The only type of gluten I currently consume flour tortillas. Gluten-free tortillas, or at least the ones I have had, taste HORRIBLE. I eat corn tortillas, sure, but when you are having fajitas, you just gotta have a nice warm flour tortilla. I just made some 100% organic, vegan, and gluten-free pumpkin bread. With no sugar! Yeah, no sugar, and it tastes freakin' amazing. I made banana bread last weekend and I couldn't eat it because it made me feel so gross. At least I am starting to pay more attention to my body and what it does and does not like. Food is an important thing for me. For everyone. And changing my diet to 100% organic, cutting out gluten, and processed foods has made a difference. Of course I go out to eat once a week (Thai food every Sunday), but that's once a week. And it's Thai food--somewhat healthy Thai food. Even though I don't know where the food is coming from or what type it is (most likely not organic), allowing myself that one indulgence a week isn't gonna kill me. I have been eating all organic for almost a year now. I cut out 90% of gluten in November last year, so I am still not a year nor am I 100%. But, hey, it's a start. I also realize that I don't crave sugar anymore. Or coffee. Sure, I will have a piece of chocolate (usually dark), but I don't feel the need to eat it all the time. Same with coffee. I drink a glass of tea on the weekdays and usually two or three during the weekend. Depending on if I get to lounge around or go digging in the garden (no one likes to drink hot tea when it's hot outside and you're raising your body temperature).
Now that we have a huge veggie garden, I am really excited to be able to eat out of that soon. Our lettuces are already ready to be picked and consumed! We have: Red onions, white onions, green onions, beets, broccoli, kale, cabbage, chard, three types of lettuce, spinach, burgundy beans, carrots, cauliflower, pumpkin, winter squash, another type of squash, zucchini, two types of cucumbers, five different types of tomatoes, basil, marigold... That's a slot of stuff. I still haven't planted all the seeds I have (corn, sugar snap peas, fennel, etc. etc.).
I have spent a lot of time in my garden. I talk to it on a regular basis. And it's just so awesome. Next, when we get chickens, it will be nice to always have fresh eggs available. AND VEGETABLES! We're gonna be self-sustaining here soon! It's awesome! And it's all organic, all local, and all right in my backyard.
God, I love having a house. And being able to do this all by myself and get that much more excited and credit for it all. Sure, you can hire a landscaper, but hell, that's no fun! Fruits of my labour right in my back yard. Literally!
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
Venus retrograde... you are trying me
A quote from a friend that explains my emotions/current situation/and my sigh of relief:
" Venus is retrograde. It's the time for things in relationships to come up, be dealt with, and cleared out. It's the time for surprises in lots of areas to arise. These retrogrades build character and patience, and help us to be open to change with open hearts. They help us to be unjudgemental because they throw barriers to build our soul capacity, awareness, and humbleness. So it makes sense that it's been a hard two weeks. We either have to evolve or devolve, to choose love or choose negative emotions, regardless of what these times throw at us. These are the universal lessons for the planet."
Being sensitive and open to the universe and all it has to bring, I have felt this for the past two weeks. The past two weeks have been HARD for me. I have been struggling with a variety of things. It's been hard getting back into my cheery Kyrie (as I am called at work) self.
I have the five agreements on my desk. I read them many times a day. I soak them in many times a day. They are:
1. Be impeccable with your word.
2. Don't take anything personally.
3. Don't make assumptions.
4. Always do your best.
5. Be skeptical, but listen.
I have to admit, 2 and 3 are the most difficult for me. Granted, I have improved a lot in the past two years. I took time to really look at myself, work on myself, and figure out what I want. Talking about relationships with the beloved the other day, and I said, "The last time I got dumped, I took a month making bubble charts of what I wanted in a partner/relationship and what I didn't want in a partner/relationship" and it helped. I found my partner, the one I plan on spending a really long time with. It worked. I put it out to the universe, I was impeccable about it. It's hard for people to find relationships when they are giving the universe mixed emotions/words/feelings. A friend (the one who sparked the conversation about relationships) is the perfect example. He claims he wants a relationship, yet he goes out of his way to find the most unattainable female. Whether it's them not wanting a relationship, being gay, being immature, being 6 years his junior... He may say he wants a relationship, but he isn't trying very hard. One night stands will do for him currently. How is that not confusing the universe? I am a firm believer that we get what we ask, even if we don't intentionally ask for it. Our actions, our responses... that is what the universe takes in. That's what the universe delivers.
Anyway, in May the beloved and I went to California to celebrate his Grandfathers life. I had never been to Davis, so I was really excited. I was even more excited to meet his mom and his family. They were all so lovely! I had many a good conversations with his mom and we even shared in a huge dance party for her birthday! His aunt and cousins were lovely; M is like the little sister I never had and enjoyed her immensely. Grandma was a hoot as well.
The five day holiday was filled with lots of love, great food, great conversation, and beauty. It was a lovely way to spend a holiday. The beloved and I cooked/baked for the celebration of life ceremony. Making four different types of chilli's, three different fruit tortes, deviled eggs, mango salsa, guac... it was a feast! And it was all organic and mostly gluten and dairy free.
While we were there, we celebrated my birthday with a trip to the Davis Arboretum and spending time in the pool. And of course, the full solar eclipse! It was a lovely time. I am looking forward to spending more time with the other side of the family. I will never forget the beloveds mom saying, "I took you for the quiet librarian/writer type" and her face upon meeting extroverted, loud, happy me. :) Impressions are great.
Since I have been back I have been working in the garden. We have all our beds filled, filled, filled! We can even eat our lettuces now! My daisies have yet to bloom, but they are big and strong. We ate some of our tomatoes the other weekend, and they were delicious. I am so proud to have been able to have food in my own backyard. I can't wait till we get chickens and we have fresh eggs all the time!
I bought a new bike. It's red, it's a three-speed, it has a basket, it's amazing. I am going to ride it all summer long.
Back to the Universe... It has a funny way of waking you up and making you realize that there are things you are currently doing that are detrimental to your being, your soul. The Universe is teaching me this currently at the moment. Needing to take time for me. Work in my garden. Go swimming. Have girl time... It's a good lesson, one that I have put in the back of my mind. One that is not placed in the front of my mind.
" Venus is retrograde. It's the time for things in relationships to come up, be dealt with, and cleared out. It's the time for surprises in lots of areas to arise. These retrogrades build character and patience, and help us to be open to change with open hearts. They help us to be unjudgemental because they throw barriers to build our soul capacity, awareness, and humbleness. So it makes sense that it's been a hard two weeks. We either have to evolve or devolve, to choose love or choose negative emotions, regardless of what these times throw at us. These are the universal lessons for the planet."
Being sensitive and open to the universe and all it has to bring, I have felt this for the past two weeks. The past two weeks have been HARD for me. I have been struggling with a variety of things. It's been hard getting back into my cheery Kyrie (as I am called at work) self.
I have the five agreements on my desk. I read them many times a day. I soak them in many times a day. They are:
1. Be impeccable with your word.
2. Don't take anything personally.
3. Don't make assumptions.
4. Always do your best.
5. Be skeptical, but listen.
I have to admit, 2 and 3 are the most difficult for me. Granted, I have improved a lot in the past two years. I took time to really look at myself, work on myself, and figure out what I want. Talking about relationships with the beloved the other day, and I said, "The last time I got dumped, I took a month making bubble charts of what I wanted in a partner/relationship and what I didn't want in a partner/relationship" and it helped. I found my partner, the one I plan on spending a really long time with. It worked. I put it out to the universe, I was impeccable about it. It's hard for people to find relationships when they are giving the universe mixed emotions/words/feelings. A friend (the one who sparked the conversation about relationships) is the perfect example. He claims he wants a relationship, yet he goes out of his way to find the most unattainable female. Whether it's them not wanting a relationship, being gay, being immature, being 6 years his junior... He may say he wants a relationship, but he isn't trying very hard. One night stands will do for him currently. How is that not confusing the universe? I am a firm believer that we get what we ask, even if we don't intentionally ask for it. Our actions, our responses... that is what the universe takes in. That's what the universe delivers.
Anyway, in May the beloved and I went to California to celebrate his Grandfathers life. I had never been to Davis, so I was really excited. I was even more excited to meet his mom and his family. They were all so lovely! I had many a good conversations with his mom and we even shared in a huge dance party for her birthday! His aunt and cousins were lovely; M is like the little sister I never had and enjoyed her immensely. Grandma was a hoot as well.
The five day holiday was filled with lots of love, great food, great conversation, and beauty. It was a lovely way to spend a holiday. The beloved and I cooked/baked for the celebration of life ceremony. Making four different types of chilli's, three different fruit tortes, deviled eggs, mango salsa, guac... it was a feast! And it was all organic and mostly gluten and dairy free.
While we were there, we celebrated my birthday with a trip to the Davis Arboretum and spending time in the pool. And of course, the full solar eclipse! It was a lovely time. I am looking forward to spending more time with the other side of the family. I will never forget the beloveds mom saying, "I took you for the quiet librarian/writer type" and her face upon meeting extroverted, loud, happy me. :) Impressions are great.
Since I have been back I have been working in the garden. We have all our beds filled, filled, filled! We can even eat our lettuces now! My daisies have yet to bloom, but they are big and strong. We ate some of our tomatoes the other weekend, and they were delicious. I am so proud to have been able to have food in my own backyard. I can't wait till we get chickens and we have fresh eggs all the time!
I bought a new bike. It's red, it's a three-speed, it has a basket, it's amazing. I am going to ride it all summer long.
Back to the Universe... It has a funny way of waking you up and making you realize that there are things you are currently doing that are detrimental to your being, your soul. The Universe is teaching me this currently at the moment. Needing to take time for me. Work in my garden. Go swimming. Have girl time... It's a good lesson, one that I have put in the back of my mind. One that is not placed in the front of my mind.
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