" Venus is retrograde. It's the time for things in relationships to come up, be dealt with, and cleared out. It's the time for surprises in lots of areas to arise. These retrogrades build character and patience, and help us to be open to change with open hearts. They help us to be unjudgemental because they throw barriers to build our soul capacity, awareness, and humbleness. So it makes sense that it's been a hard two weeks. We either have to evolve or devolve, to choose love or choose negative emotions, regardless of what these times throw at us. These are the universal lessons for the planet."
Being sensitive and open to the universe and all it has to bring, I have felt this for the past two weeks. The past two weeks have been HARD for me. I have been struggling with a variety of things. It's been hard getting back into my cheery Kyrie (as I am called at work) self.
I have the five agreements on my desk. I read them many times a day. I soak them in many times a day. They are:
1. Be impeccable with your word.
2. Don't take anything personally.
3. Don't make assumptions.
4. Always do your best.
5. Be skeptical, but listen.
I have to admit, 2 and 3 are the most difficult for me. Granted, I have improved a lot in the past two years. I took time to really look at myself, work on myself, and figure out what I want. Talking about relationships with the beloved the other day, and I said, "The last time I got dumped, I took a month making bubble charts of what I wanted in a partner/relationship and what I didn't want in a partner/relationship" and it helped. I found my partner, the one I plan on spending a really long time with. It worked. I put it out to the universe, I was impeccable about it. It's hard for people to find relationships when they are giving the universe mixed emotions/words/feelings. A friend (the one who sparked the conversation about relationships) is the perfect example. He claims he wants a relationship, yet he goes out of his way to find the most unattainable female. Whether it's them not wanting a relationship, being gay, being immature, being 6 years his junior... He may say he wants a relationship, but he isn't trying very hard. One night stands will do for him currently. How is that not confusing the universe? I am a firm believer that we get what we ask, even if we don't intentionally ask for it. Our actions, our responses... that is what the universe takes in. That's what the universe delivers.
Anyway, in May the beloved and I went to California to celebrate his Grandfathers life. I had never been to Davis, so I was really excited. I was even more excited to meet his mom and his family. They were all so lovely! I had many a good conversations with his mom and we even shared in a huge dance party for her birthday! His aunt and cousins were lovely; M is like the little sister I never had and enjoyed her immensely. Grandma was a hoot as well.
The five day holiday was filled with lots of love, great food, great conversation, and beauty. It was a lovely way to spend a holiday. The beloved and I cooked/baked for the celebration of life ceremony. Making four different types of chilli's, three different fruit tortes, deviled eggs, mango salsa, guac... it was a feast! And it was all organic and mostly gluten and dairy free.
While we were there, we celebrated my birthday with a trip to the Davis Arboretum and spending time in the pool. And of course, the full solar eclipse! It was a lovely time. I am looking forward to spending more time with the other side of the family. I will never forget the beloveds mom saying, "I took you for the quiet librarian/writer type" and her face upon meeting extroverted, loud, happy me. :) Impressions are great.
Since I have been back I have been working in the garden. We have all our beds filled, filled, filled! We can even eat our lettuces now! My daisies have yet to bloom, but they are big and strong. We ate some of our tomatoes the other weekend, and they were delicious. I am so proud to have been able to have food in my own backyard. I can't wait till we get chickens and we have fresh eggs all the time!
I bought a new bike. It's red, it's a three-speed, it has a basket, it's amazing. I am going to ride it all summer long.
Back to the Universe... It has a funny way of waking you up and making you realize that there are things you are currently doing that are detrimental to your being, your soul. The Universe is teaching me this currently at the moment. Needing to take time for me. Work in my garden. Go swimming. Have girl time... It's a good lesson, one that I have put in the back of my mind. One that is not placed in the front of my mind.
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