a shift

Back towards the end of May and most of June, I was struggling with something I had never struggled with before. I was put into a situation where I was questioning love. Questioning what was going on and what I had done wrong. It was hard. I had never been put in that situation with my beloved for a year and a half, so it was a shock on my system.

We worked it out and everything is so wonderful, I sometimes pinch myself with just how lucky I am.

At the end of our BBQ last weekend, the conversation of manifestation came up. I am and have always been a firm believer in manifestation. It's something that I have experienced multiple times, as well as seen happen many times. The universe always deliverers what you ask. If you focus on the negative, you'll always get it. If you focus on the positive, you'll get positive.

Before I met my beloved, I had been in a SERIES of shitty relationships. People treating me poorly emotionally, people lying, people being totally fake, and people just taking advantage of all the love I have to give. So, I went on a break. I wrote down on a piece of white printer paper what I was looking for in a partner. I listed everything I could think of that I knew I needed/wanted. I put that list away and I worked on me. I put school first, I put health first, I put me first, which is something I hadn't done in a really long time.

I got a new job in my actual field of study, and I was scared, nervous, and so excited! My first day, I saw my beloved. It was instant... an instant spark, an instant chemistry, and instant familiarity. Those bright blue eyes touched my soul and made butterflies appear instantly in my stomach. It wasn't the right time, and I was still figuring myself out. And, he was with someone else. It wasn't the time yet.

We built a work relationship and I often frequented his office to talk about school, baking, disc golf, anything really. It was simple, it flowed, it was nice. I gave him my phone number in the summer, hoping that I would have a new friend to play disc golf with or just to hang out with. I was lacking in the friend department, so I needed new people.

He never called.

I can't say I wasn't disappointed, because I was. He seemed like a really down-to-earth cool guy who I could be nerdy with. But, still, wasn't the right timing.

As the summer progressed and it moved into fall, I noticed a shift in his mood. He wasn't the happy guy I met that first day of work. He had a sad look in his eyes and all I wanted to do was to take him out and talk to see if he would feel better escaping what was ever eating him up.

It wasn't until Halloween, when we were at another co-workers house for a Halloween party did we really start talking. We sat together and watched all the very young people play beer pong and get exceedingly drunk.

After that, he started to perk up again. He was getting happier and we started talking. Later, I found out that he had just broken up with his girlfriend and moved out. Obviously, the relationship they were in wasn't a happy one if it changed him to be sad all the time. I didn't know about the relationship, nor did I ask. It was his to work out.

I started inviting him out to karaoke with me to get out and for us to get to know each other outside the work place. It was nice to talk to someone who was on the same mind wave as me.

We went our separate ways for Christmas, but exchanged text messages here and there... It was all finally falling into place and I could sense it. I was nervous, not going to lie, but I was also really excited.

January 1, we went and saw True Grit together. I sat there, anticipating him holding my hand, but alas, nothing happened. We ended up going to the Wine Loft multiple days a week, drinking a glass or two and staying until midnight. Non-stop conversation and laughter. It was so nice.

He made his move, and that first kiss will always be a memory. It was breathtaking. It was emotional, it was filled with wanting and love. From then on, we hung out maybe two or three times a week enjoying each others company.

We started dating, and it was easy. I had never been so myself around someone. I had never not changed for someone. He didn't want me to or expect me to. He accepted me as exactly who I am.

We became inseparable; we were always together over the weekends, often starting on Thursday and not ending until Monday at work when I finally went home. It was great. We played games, we read, we cooked, we went out dancing. It was so lovely.

I asked him to be my boyfriend towards the end of July and told him I loved him (holy shit was I scared) on August 10. We spent every weekend together until we moved in together.

He is everything I wrote down on that piece of paper. I manifested the relationship and partner I was longing for. Him and the relationship are the best things I have manifested. I am so lucky.

As of lately, we have been saying "I love you" a lot more. It's a nice change. Every morning I either leave a note on his tea when I leave for the morning, or he sends me a text message saying it.

He's my soul mate, and I told him that on Saturday night. There is no one else I want to spend the rest of my life with. There's no one I would rather have to travel with, to read with, to sleep next to, to be happy with.

That one rough patch has made us stronger and more understanding to each other. And that's what rough patches are for. It's not an excuse to give up, but to work it through with love until it is resolved.

I really am the luckiest.