Starting again and Intentions

One of the many things that I enjoy about meditation is the intention to start again. Whether it’s during actual meditation and my mind is focusing on everything else besides my breath, or if it’s getting wrapped up in the busy life that is outside meditation retreats, I can always start again. I can make the intention of starting, once again, to focus on my breath. Or to start again to slow down the pace of which I am moving and doing things.

For me personally, I’ve always had a hard time with being ok that I need to start again. When I put my mind to it, I want to do it right the first time. I wonder if that’s something that was something I learned at home or from society, or a mixture of both. I know that when I put my mind to something, I can easily do it. I may get sidetracked or lost or wander down another path, but I know if it really means that much to me, I can do it.

 

I also know that I am human and live in a human world where sometimes things just don’t work out the way you want them to. I am currently reading this book, and it is so refreshing and so raw. I thoroughly enjoy Sharon Salzberg’s writing and her honesty when it comes to meditation. The section I read the other night night was being able to start again, and the dharma talk my meditation teacher gave the same night was also about starting again. It’s so important to realize that life happens and sometimes we get wrapped up in the drama, the busy-ness of life, or a sour mood, but as long as we’re still breathing, we get to start again every time we notice we’re living a life or experiencing something we don’t want to.

It’s important for me to realize that this too is meditation. Being mindful and aware of what’s going on, what I’m feeling, what I’m doing, what I’m contributing to is mindful meditation. Once I got that down, I realized that I can step back, stop, take a breath, acknowledge what I was doing, and then start again.

Last night I attended a Women’s Intention circle. It was a lovely way to spend a cold, snowy Tuesday, and while I only knew two people there, everyone was so welcoming and inviting. We all spoke about our intentions and offered helpful comments or tips to each other. My intention this year is to strengthen my Loving-Kindness practice, especially when it comes to myself. I ended up crying last night as I shared my intention because it’s really hard for me to give loving-kindness to myself. This past year has been difficult on so many levels and I need to have more compassion for myself when I cry, when I struggle, when I get angry, etc.

And what I love about my intention is that I get the opportunity to start again every single moment of the day. And by starting again, my intention of more loving-kindness will continue to grow and strengthen. When I notice that I am beating myself up for crying or being angry, I can notice it and give myself a little loving-kindness.

I imagine this year will be another year of growth for me. And I need to remember to keep my intention of loving-kindness and starting again in my mind, and I think I can handle whatever this year gives me. One moment at a time.