Where does the time go?

Honestly... I have no idea where the past year went. The fact that it's already December freaks me out. I feel like this year whipped by so fast, but it still feels like it should be summer. Except, the bitter 10 degrees in the morning reminds that oh yes, it is in fact December.

Since it's December, it's hard for me to not look back on the past year and all the choices I have made, all the things I have accomplished, everything.

January 2011 - I start hanging out with my beloved on the 1st. Went to a movie that night and then started going out to wine maybe two or three times a week. January 10th comes around, and while I am nervous about this person and this connection, I welcome a kiss. A kiss that made me go, "that was hot."
This is the final semester of graduate school! That means I have a shit ton of writing to do for my thesis. Because, I am a procrastinator, and of course I like to wait till the last semester to really get this shit going.
January 11 marked a year at USGS... holy crap, I survived with my big, bright, sunshiney smile and personality. Shocking
Made reservations to GO SKYDIVING!

February 2011 - Superbowl party was hilariously fun, especially for someone like me who doesn't really watch football regularly.
Meeting with my advisor on a bi-weekly basis to figure my thesis out.
Broach a difficult subject with the beloved, which may or may not end whatever we are currently doing.
Bought BRANDI CARLILE TICKETS!!

March 2011 - Decide to perk up about he beloved and make the most of it... something too good like this can't be passed up for something that I probably misinterpreted (which, come to find out, I totally did!)
Continue to work on my thesis. Set up the date for my defense.

April 2011 - Work on the thesis... and my other two classes... and try and stay sane. Get pictures taken for my grad invitations. Getting bumped about graduation. Even if it is in a tent.
Do my defense... get an email from my advisor about an hour before my defense saying to be prepared for the worst... what? excuse me? an hour before my defense? Seriously!? What the fuck.
Defend my thesis... and PASS! Go out to celebrate with the beloved.
Make the shit ton of revisions to my thesis

May 2011 - Send my revised thesis to my advisor. Get the ok after MORE revisions and I am le done!
Send thesis to the printer... to only find out I sent him the wrong version. So, I resend the RIGHT version to time.
Celebrate AGAIN with the final farewell to the thesis.
Sleep for the first time in months for a consecutive 12 hours... holy fuck did it feel so damn good.
WENT SKYDIVING FOLLOWED BY SEEING MY MOSE FAVOURITE ARTIST, BRANDI CARLILE in Tucson with my ice ice baby and my auntie.
GRADUATED FROM GRADUATE SCHOOL! WITH DISTINCTION!
Moved out on my own!
Start reading books for fun!

June 2011 - Spend as much time with the beloved before he goes on a month long vacation to Spain and Portugal.
Read, read, read.
Learned to play cribbage!
Dropped beloved off for his trip
Volunteered at Beer Fest with my roommate
spent time with my person

July 2011 - read, read, read.
Get a tattoo!
Spend time with my person
Miss the beloved in spurts. luckily, the last week of his trip was for work in San Diego, so I got to hear his voice and send him text messages
Pick my beloved up at the airport! Felt so good!
Went and saw the last HP... which is just sad in some cases because I grew up with that!

August 2011 -
Said the L work to my beloved
Asked the beloved to be my boyfriend (pretty much already was, but wanted to make it "official"
freaked out when school came and realized I DIDN'T HAVE TO GO! SO MUCH FREE TIME!
Played video games with the beloved
Went to Reno to see family and freaking BRANDI CARLILE (I may be obsessed, but hot damn, she's amazing and i love her).

September 2011 -
Boss quit... YAY!
read, read, read.
Spend time with the beloved
Go on road trips and hikes

October 2011 -
Go to D.C. for the first time ever to spend some time with a dear, dear friend. Go to all the monuments and museums. Run into someone from Flagstaff at the Holocaust museum (freaking weird)

November 2011-
Saw the house that the beloved has loved since May.
Celebrated the beloved's 31st birthday in style.
Beloved made an offer on the house
Offer got accepted by owner
local banks approve the offer, just waiting for the main bank now
Made my very first Thanksgiving with 100% organic, dairy-free, and gluten-free ingredients with the beloved. Quite the success if I do say so myself.


December 2011 -
Paid my first $200 in my loan (ouch...)
Paid off my credit card (woo and ouch...)
Bought tickets to see family (woo and ouch...)
Waiting to hear back from the last bank for the beloved's house. Hoping to move in by the end of January if everything goes well and the inspection proves to be good.

I know it's still early in December. But as soon as I look at a calendar again or think about blogging, it will be 2012! It's been an amazing year. Mostly ups, but some downs... but everything has worked out just as it should.

Love is all around me. I could get used to this intoxicating feeling.

this is life...

It's been 4 almost 5 months since I have graduated from Grad school... What is there to say besides I simply love having my nights and weekends to myself?! I love just going to work and not have to think about planning which assignment I need to do when I get home. I love only spending 8 hours a day in front of a computer Monday-Thursday, and then not looking at one again until Monday. I enjoy not having to look at my planner to see what is due and what I need to start freaking out about. It was strange, I will admit, to not wake up the 29th at 6 in the morning to start planning the next four months. But, I do have to say, it was nice to not have to do it. I think taking a couple years off before going after my PhD was a really smart idea.

What have I been doing instead of school work?! Let's see... there are so many things! I have been reading nonstop and dedicating my spare time to bookclub. I have been knitting--two scarfs and one hat, to be exact. I have been enjoying the weather and changes in the season. Sitting in the backyard enjoying the koi pond, sitting in the living room with a fire ablaze, cooking, baking, spending as much time as possible with my beloved, who I fall in love with more each and every day.

Speaking of the beloved, we are going to look at 6 houses today! He is wanting to buy a house, and we saw two in the beginning of August, and now we are seeing 6 today! My favourite number! I know he doesn't want to rush anything, but I think he needs to move, especially after a certain roommate flooded the bathroom and caused water damage.

I am making a mango shortbread, and it smells freaking delicious.

We started composting, which is really exciting because I want a garden next year! I want to grow my own veggies.

I am going to DC at the end of October to see my lovely friend for a week. It was kind of a splurge, and something I couldn't really afford, but I figure... I am young, don't have that much of a permanent job, and need to see as much as the world as possible. So I am leaving the 26th and coming back the 1st. Luckily, I have a free place to stay and just had to pay for my flight and then pay for the things we do there. Luckily, most of the museums are free, the zoo is free, and I plan on going full tourist! Plus, I have all these hours of annual leave, so I essentially will have a full paycheck, even though I am not actually working. :) Also, the one friend I made in England, is going to be in DC while I am there! I haven't seen her in three years! It's going to be such a beautiful reunion and I am so stoked!

October is my favourite month. The leaves change, the air changes, you start wearing scarfs and hats to protect yourself from the wind... Fall in Flagstaff is by far my favourite. Although, I heard I would like Boston in the fall too. I just haven't been there.

One day, I will own a cute little cottage in the English countryside.

I don't know if I have ever loved so much in my life. I love my life, I love my friends, I love everything around. And I love the beloved... more than I have ever loved anyone. He surprises me everyday with his kindness, thoughtfulness, generosity, humour, and love. I have never had so much fun with someone in my life. I have never not fought with someone... we are two peas in a pod, that's for sure. And I am loving every moment of it.

Life is beautiful.

So this one time...

I jumped out of a fucking plane. Oh yes I did. Look:

This was a graduation present to myself. As soon as November of 2010 hit, I turned to my family and said, "I want to go skydiving for graduation." Every one's reaction was a little different, but mostly the consensus was, "have fun with that." However, my one aunt was all for it! I have become a bit of an adrenaline chunky, and after the previous summer of parasailing over Tahoe, seen here:

and rafting down the Truckee River, seen here:

it was for sure time to do something, the number one thing off my bucket list which was to skydive. My partner in crime:

So, we went skydiving. We left at a ridiculous hour in the morning to drive down to a little town called Eloy, where it was ridiculously out, ridiculously flat, and ridiculously ugly. We checked in, signed over our life, watched a video and then suited up. The whole experience from getting there to landing took maybe an hour and a half. Once we were suited up and secured, we got on our plane. We were the only to tandem jumpers, while the rest of the plane was filled with people who just jump out on their own. The flight lasted maybe 25 minutes, and was by far the longest part of the experience (besides waiting around). Once you're at 13,000 feet, you JUUUUUMP!

There really are no words to describe this feeling... You think it is going to be scarier than shit... I mean, helllooooo, you're jumping out of a god damn plane with a parachute. But, as soon as you jump, you don't feel like you're falling at all. In fact, you feel like someone is holding you up, or you're laying on a table... The ground doesn't come at you at all... I looked like a tard for the first few seconds:

It was such an amazing experience, and I was in a "holy crap I just jumped out of a fucking plane" mind set, that my mouth was open. Because honestly, it was the most freeing experience I have ever had. I don't know where I went, but I was feeling it and seeing it, but it was an out of body experience. The memory is still in my head, with great detail, but lordy, do I want to do it again.

You free fall for a minute, and then you just float on down:

At this point, while we are making our decent, I keep telling Kim, my skydiving instructor, "Holy shit, that was amazing. hoooolllyyyyyy fffuuuucccckkk." It's about a 6-10 minute coast down to the ground, and it isn't scary seeing the ground come to you because let's be honest, your parachute opened, and THAT is your saving grace right there.

Then you land:

It really is one of the best experiences in my life. After the jump, we headed to Tucson to see Ms. Brandi Carlile at the Rialto Theatre. Now, she is by far, hands down, my most favourite artist in the world. Her lyrics speak to my soul and can make me weep. I see her at every show I can... and luckily, I get to see her, once again, in the lovely Tahoe, with my partner in crime. I took her to see Brandi in March of... 2010 for her birthday. She was playing in Reno, and I was like, "Hey! I know people who live near Reno, and it's spring break! let's go to a concert!" SO we went, and before it even started, I told my aunt that this show was going to change her life. And sure shit, they opened up with a complete a capella "Oh, Dear" and her jaw hit the floor. And now she is just as addicted as I am. Because, hot damn, she puts on a wicked awesome show.

After the concert in Tucson, which we were joined by my dearest ice ice baby, we stood outside to meet her. Now, I had dreams about meeting her, and being all sly and telling her how much her music meant to me. And as soon as I met her, I stared at her for a second and then blurted out, "I went skydiving today." Totally uncool and not what I wanted to say, but seriously, my idol, my crush, the woman who can make me weep by her voice and lyrics was right in front of me. And god damn, was she beautiful and sweet.

May 12th was for sure the best day ever.

1 month.

The weekend went far too quickly, as usual. Even though I have a three day weekend, it always goes by way too quick. Although, I am thankful that it did go quickly. This weekend was hard emotionally.

Friday: I had a reiki appointment. I am a firm believer in reiki and I can feel it when it is happening. It leaves me so relaxed. Since I was already downtown, I walked over to the local Crystal Magic where I bought some crystals to put next to my bed (also a firm believer in the power of crystals). Once I was done there, I went to the mail office to figure out where my freakin' package was. They said the carrier dropped it off on my porch last week sometime, even though it was no where to be found! It kind of ruined my zen from reiki, because WTF, there was NO PACKAGE ON MY PORCH AND IT WAS FROM MY AUNT AND I LOVE BOXES FROM HER. I go grocery shopping and head back home. After unpacking my groceries, I go on a scavenger hunt around my house to find this package. Alas, no package. Two hours later, neighbor comes up and brings me my package. Thank you baby jesus! It was filled with lots of delicious goodies... I love packages.

Later that night, CT takes me to the delicious Josephines where we celebrate me winning a bet, and a last meal together before he leaves. We indulge in delicious white bean humus, delicious wine, and delicious entrees. I took my family there when they came up for graduation. It really is great food and atmosphere. Luckily, it has been super beautiful in Flagstaff, so we sat outside and enjoyed each other's company and conversation. Oh, and me winning a bet. I never win, so I get pretty stoked when I am right and he's wrong. Not even gonna lie. :) After dinner, we run an errand for his giant trip, go back to his house to grab his TINY backpack for his month long vacation, and head back to my house where we finish the wine and hang out.

I couldn't sleep the entire night. Not only was I anxious, I could feel his anxious energy as well.

Saturday: Woke up at 5:00 am. Made coffee, an english muffin, and CT jumps in the shower. He had to be at his friends house at 5:45 to head down the hill. I drop him off, say our, "see you laters" and I drive away. I was totally fine when I was driving home. As soon as I got home and saw some of his clothes on the floor and realized I won't be seeing him again for a month I cried. Only 5 minutes, to let myself feel sad and let it be done with. I was able to sleep for an hour, but then had to pick up my bountiful basket of produce. After that, went to the chiropractor, and for the first time in two weeks, my headache went away. Taking 6 Advil wasn't making my headache go away, I was grinding my teeth, and it was just miserable. Luckily, my new chiropractor is super rad and fixed me all up. Adjustments are still holding, and I have another appointment on Friday... Thank goodness. This no headache thing is awesome. After that, I went over to my person's house and hung out with her and the family for the entire day. They just bought a new house and were doing work on it, so we watched them demolish stuff. Her boyfriend will be building a fence at the new house for the next couple of weeks, so that means she will be up here every weekend. Which will also help this next month go by quickly. I hope.

Sunday: Went to a movie with my person and family then went home, read, cleaned, baked muffins, and watched Downton Abbey, my British guilty pleasure. I highly recommend the show. It's awfully delicious.

Now it is Monday. My boss is gone for the week, and it seems to be quiet. Granted, it is only 8:40, but I came in with only 10 emails... Usually it's about 100. I am hoping for a slow, quiet week. Although, when it's quiet, I always want to walk down the hallway and see CT (yes, we work together... but in totally different fields).

July 15th. I pick him up. I hope it goes by quickly. Especially since that's when HP is coming out and he is going with me! Probably just to see my true nerdiness come out. :)

life with no school.

So, I have been done with school for awhile now... and there are still times during the weekend where I have these, "oh shit, I have to work on my thesis or do my homework" moments... It's happened the past two Sunday's, when I have spent all day in my pajamas reading by my coy pond or playing video games. It has been so nice to not have school; I am catching up on reading for fun, enjoying life, and SLEEP. There were so many nights, so many weeks, so many months of me hardly sleeping, and now I sleep so peacefully and soundly.

All I do now is work, which is great because I only work 32 hours a week, get a three day weekend, and never spend time outside of work on the computer. I have been working too hard and too much lately, making it impossible for me to stay on top of things like talking to family, talking to friends, etc. The people I talk to the most are the people are work with cause I have to talk to them.

I have also been spending a lot of time with someone near and dear to my heart, as they are leaving Saturday morning for a month. It's gonna be sad, but I am sure they will have a blast. Going to Barcelona, Portugal, and then England... doesn't sound too shabby. But, alas, after spending almost every weekend together, and a day or two during the week together, it will be hard to -not- have that anymore. It's been an awesome five months, and even though there will be a month of hardly talking and not seeing each other, July 15th might be my most favourite day. And something to look forward to. While they are gone, I plan on filling my life with hikes, adventures, and hanging out with other friends. It will all be ok. And I want the to have a blast, but it doesn't mean I can't be a little sad.

There really is nothing to report; my life is pretty boring. Ever since I have moved, I spend all my free time reading outside or just sitting outside. It's so nice -not- to do anything as soon as I leave work. This is my life from now on... no more school. At least not for a few years.

I have an itching to open a B&B in England. Ugh. I miss that place.

It's the end...

I can't believe the past 2 years are over. I can't believe that I officially have an MA. I submitted my thesis to get bound on Thursday and as soon as I gave them my four copies, I felt all the weight I have been holding on my shoulders for the past two years go far, far, away. It is an incredible feeling. I am still in shock and I still haven't really taken in the fact that I am done. DONE, DONE, DONE! It is insane... But I am so relieved. Like really, really relieved. I have slept so well for the past few days. I forgot what uninterrupted sleep felt like. The purple circles that were becoming permanent under my eyes are finally going away. The tension in my shoulders is slowly letting up. It feels great. I have completed this journey... and I am about to start an entirely new one.

One of those adventures is moving. I am moving into this quaint, cute, peaceful house. I will have roommates, only one currently, who I get along with smashingly well. I am going to go over there later this afternoon an paint my new bedroom. It feels good... I feel good. This will be good.

My incredible family comes into town to celebrate me and my achievements this week. I cannot explain how excited I am. My family has always been a constant support in all that I do, and I hope I have made them proud. I never want to disappoint them, and I have tried my hardest to always make them proud. There have been a lot of times when I drop off the face of the planet for months because I am drowning in school work, but it is all for this moment. For this degree, for this celebration, and for them to be proud. So while I hide for months on end, it is all for this.

One of the top five things that is currently on my bucket list is to go skydiving. And this is happening on Thursday. My aunt and I are going to be jumping out of an airplane at 13,000 feet, free falling for a minute, and then floating down on Thursday. I had a group of about 5 people to go. But now it is only me and my aunt. Which is perfectly ok... I don't mind. I am glad she didn't chicken out either. After skydiving, I get to listen to my most favourite artist of all time; Brandi Carlile. She hasn't come to Arizona in a few years, so it is exciting that she will be here this week! No words can describe how her music makes me feel... especially live. Everyone in the crowd disappears when I watch her. Ugh. Beautiful.

Saturday is my graduation ceremony and party. The ceremony, unfortunately, will be in a tent because they are renovating the Dome. But, it won't matter... My family will be there, and they have already plotted something ridiculously embarrassing. Which is exciting. Then after the ceremony, we have rented out the Zane Grey Room in Flagstaff, a lovely historic hotel/bar to celebrate. New and old friends and co-workers are coming to celebrate my accomplishment. Some of the most important people are going to be there and I am so excited.

Many wonderful things are happening this week... And I am so excited!

3-week itch

I am tired. Physically and mentally. I am drained. Sure, I wake up every morning, put on a smile and go charging out my house ready to conquer the day, but I feel gross. I haven't exercised in such a long time because after I deal with the craziness of work, I come home and deal with the craziness of my life in school. I am tired of school. Not really. I am tired of thesis work. I am tired of the research, of the revisions, of the editing, of just thinking about it.

I did, however, finish my last graduate class just a few moments ago. That's one giant relief, but now it is the end of the semester and I have to resubmit my thesis to my committee for another read through and hopefully be done and approved and ready to print. It is not going to perfect, I know this and I have come to terms with it. It is OK for something to NOT be perfect. It is ok.

what is perfect is the sound of Brandi Carlile's voice, which I get the pleasure of hearing in three weeks. There's a lot happening in three weeks. My wonderful family is coming, I am going SKYDIVING, I am going to Tucson to hear my most favourite musician, the woman who can make me cry and have her words hit spots of my soul I didn't think existed, and then I am graduating on Saturday and celebrating with all the ones I hold near and dear to my heart. It is a lot, and there is a lot that still needs to be done. But it is getting there. Just not at the speed I want it. Which, of course, is typical. Because honestly, does it ever go the pace you want it to.

So. Three weeks. Till freedom. I can smell it. Just a little.

I did it!

I passed. Holy shit I passed! Can I just tell you how fucking incredible this feels?! Because words cannot describe what I am feeling. At all. I am still in shock.

I went out with someone very important to me last night where I told him all about the defense. He was so very excited for me and gave me a big hug. He also treated me to a well deserved beer and some delicious Thai food. He was pretty much as excited as I was when I told him I passed... He knows what I have been going through and all the late nights, cry-fests, and the anxiety I have felt about it. I don't think I have ever -not- mentioned what I was doing with it or how it was going. He always asked, which means so much to me.

So let me tell you how it went.

I took Wednesday and Thursday off to prep for the defense. I had to make a slideshow presentation, which I suck at, and I honestly didn't want to deal with work this week. So I worked two days and called it good. Yesterday, I started the day with getting a haircut and getting my makeup done so I didn't walk in with crazy huge hair. It was a nice treat. However, I came home to an email from my professor who basically told me there were parts of my thesis that did not work... that were done poorly, that were going to be brought up in the presentation as needing a lot of work. So this caused a massive anxiety attack and I kept telling myself to not cry because it would ruin my makeup and if I went and presented with puffy eyes, I wouldn't come off as confident. I needed to come off as confident. This is my freaking baby; I am in a relationship with this thing, so I know it like the back side of my hand. So I freak out, send her an email saying "ok. Well now I am freaking the fuck out" (minus the F-word). She wrote back, "Don't freak out. You can do that later." Hello?! Seriously?! You're gonna say that to me right before I defend?! And by right before, I mean an hour before my defense.

I work on my power point a bit more, and head over the English department where I set up my powerpoint, talk to myself for a bit, shake my arms and legs and try to calm the nerves. I talk to my advisor and we go over the procedure. My professor who has been supportive and essentially gave me the job at GCMRC showed up, which was totally shocking and surprising and frightening. I NEVER want to let that man down... I want him to always be proud of me, so I was taken by surprise when he showed up and just added that much pressure.

I present for about 15-20 minutes, and all I keep thinking about if that I am fucking with my hands, talking with my hands, choking on my words and SALIVA because I want to piss my pants. My professor asks a few questions and then he leaves. Next, the committee and I discuss my thesis and they ask me a bunch of questions and give me a lot of constructive criticism as how to improve my thesis and what I need to change before they sign off on it.

Then. THEN! I sit outside. It wasn't long... I was so excited to be done and I was excited I was confident in my presentation. I was out there for maybe a minute. My advisor brought my back in and said I passed. I shook everyone's hands and said thank yous and was elated! ELATED!!

The rest of the committee members lefts and my advisor and I spoke for awhile. She basically told me I was most likely going to fail that morning; that they were not very sure what the point of my thesis was and they didn't think it was clear. But... BUT!!! My freaking PowerPoint kicked ass and blew them out of the water and the really understood and got the purpose of my thesis. So essentially, my PowerPoint saved me ass from having to be here for another semester. HELLL YESSSS. She said she was very proud of me and was very surprised by my presentation and how well I did. I gave her a huge hug and said many thanks.

So that's that. I was close to failing, but apparently I make a mean PowerPoint and present information well, answer questions well and in confidence, and I am amazing.

Now, all I have to do is make the revisions, have someone edit for grammatical problems, and then I am done. Still hoping by the end of the month. I think it is doable. I know it is doable.

And now, I can breathe a little easier knowing I am going to pass. I fell asleep instantly last night when I hit the bed. I didn't even wake up when someone was climbing all over the bed putting a blanket over the windows. I was out. It was probably the best sleep I have gotten this entire semester. And I feel about 20 pounds lighter... 20 pounds of anxiety. Whew.

I. Fucking. Rock.

tomorrow

Tomorrow I defend my thesis. Tomorrow at 3 pm I present my thesis that I have spent the past two years on. It is unreal and exciting and freaking nerve-racking. Like whoa. Sure, I got freaked out with huge tests and papers, but this is a freak out like nothing I have experienced. Getting through this will be so important to me. Being able to stand in front of my committee members and talk about my thesis, my baby, my life-sucking project for 20-30 minutes, and answer questions intelligently. It's insane that I am at this point in my life and I did it by myself, not depending on anyone else but me. I feel strong, empowered, PROUD... this experience, while I view it now as a pain in the ass, is something that no one can take away from me. The M.A. that will soon be after my name is mine, and mine forever... no one can take that away from me. Money comes and go, friends come and go, spouses come and go, but this degree, this experience is something that will be held onto forever. This is something that NO ONE can ever steal from me.

Wish me luck.

The goal

So, the goal, or rather, the pressure I created for myself was to have my thesis done and printed by the end of the month. I wanted to be done editing, making revisions, DEFENDING, and have it all wrapped with a god damn bow on it at the end of the month. This, at first, seemed reasonable. Then, I started freakingthefuckout because holy crap, writing a thesis is hard work. So I have spent the past three weeks extremely tired; emotionally, physically, and most of all, mentally. I have spent way too many nights staring at this damn little screen wanting to cry at 3 in the morning. The only time I do get to sleep more than 5 hours is on the weekends, and even that is questionable sometimes. Right before I got to bed at night I think about my thesis. As soon as I wake up I think about my thesis. It's like I am in a relationship with my thesis. Which, I suppose I am. But it is a relationship I want to end so I can be proud, give myself a slap on the back and be at ease. My shoulders are so tight no one can touch them because it hurts too bad. I think about my thesis probably 10,000 times a day. It really is a constant in my brain.

But, and this is a good but, I have my defense next Friday at 3pm. So the goal/pressure I put on myself is actually working out. I should have it printed off by the end of the month. Which gives me two weeks to regroup and prepare for being done with school and celebrating. I am super nervous about the defense. I love the three women on my committee; they have seen me grow and become the person I am today. My committee chair has known me for FIVE years! She has seen me in my darkest days. In fact, I met with her last Thursday at Barnes and Noble and she was running late so I took out my Kindle to do some reading. But you want to know what happened? I feel asleep. Right there at B&N. I am not the type of person to sleep anywhere but my bed; I can't even sleep on a plane to and from England. But I for sure fell asleep at B&N. I jolted awake and she was sitting there, staring at me. She asked how the book was. I said I fell asleep, and she said "I know, it will be done soon." I told her we will be needing to have a drink when this fucker is printed. It isn't that long, but it has taken me two years. So, I will need to make a PowerPoint and create a one page little reminder of my thesis and the points I want to discuss. Then I present for about 20-30 minutes, they put me in the hallway for 10-15 minutes. Once they are done talking about what they are going to do that weekend, they will say I passed or failed. They will come get me and tell me, to my face, if it is a YAY or a NAY! Nerve racking. Like real bad. I have taken that Wednesday and Thursday off to get shit together, maybe go do some yoga and get a massage to prepare myself for the defense. I shouldn't be nervous because I know these women, but my fate, my graduation rests in their hands. So that Friday, I plan on celebrating on my awesome, kickass job, holy shit I am going to graduate thesis, or I plan on drinking on my, goddamnitihavetorewritetheentirethingandhopeigraduate thesis.

I am sure I will pass. But, I am a realist and try to stay firmly grounded and realize it could really go either way.

So, since I can't really -do- any thesis work till I get my committee's revisions back (hopefully next week), I am going to Phoenix to spend some quality time with DK and have some fun. I am very much looking forward to it since the last time I saw her was for the half marathon in January. It will be good to spend some time with her and just take it easy. And sleep. And have some awesome coffee and conversations.

I also got my tickets for graduation. And pictures taken for the invites. Super stoked.

7 weeks.

This week was spring break for most kids. I do not get a spring break... I do not get a break till May... until I put on my dress, red high-heels, cap, gown, hood, and sit in a ceremony surrounded by other Master's and Doctoral students for 2 hours. Actually, it will probably happen before that. I will probably get a break as soon as I know my thesis got the stamp of approval. Which will hopefully be the end of April. I did get my cap, gown, and hood this week; makes it more real, more exciting, more determination to get everything done and be done with school.

I just finished the introduction to my thesis... and I have to write the conclusion. I hate writing the conclusion. I essentially have to wrap up my 50 page paper, which should be easy because I have been working on it for over a year. But I am kind of over working on it. I mean, I have a love/hate relationship with it. Making as much progress as I have makes me super happy and exciting. But I have also spent over a year on this thing, and I feel like I have nothing more to say. I just need to -do- it. Suck it up, Kyrie. You are going to have a Master's degree in 7 weeks.

7 weeks! 7 weeks still my family is coming to this town! 7 weeks till I jump out of an airplane! 7 weeks till I see the one artist I love wholeheartedly and could never, ever get sick of. 7 weeks till I party my ass off. 7 weeks till I can put "MA" at the end of my name. 7 weeks till I can read for fun. 7 weeks till I can breathe and maybe take a vacation. 7 weeks till I am done with school for a few years. 7. weeks. That's crazy. It took me 7 years, lots of tears, lots of freakingthefuckout, lots of 4 hour phone conversations with my aunt to get me to calm the hell down, lots of heartbreak, lots of late nights, lots of irritation, frustration, and bliss to get to this point, but hot damn. I am going to have a MASTERS degree. First in the family. holy crap. I am the shiiiiit.

I just started another class this week. Luckily, I only have to write 4 two-page papers! Super easy. Kinda. Not really. It's a 7 week class so it is a bit intense. anyone who has done a 8 week class knows how fucking hard it is. Especially if it is in graduate school. I have a lot of problems with people who look at my funny when I say my grad program is online. When your grad program is online, you never get a break; you never get a weekend, we never get to -not- deal with school. Because it is the internet and everyone is working all the time and doing things all the time. It is so hard to step away from the computer and not think about it. Because it is never ending. So when people look at me funny when I say my grad program is online, I instinctively think, "fuck you. you have no idea what I have to deal with." I have never had so much homework to do, so much writing, so much reading. Let me tell you something, last 7 weeks I had a class. I had papers due every week. They had to be 7-10 pages each. I also had to do 5 original discussion posts, followed by answering 5 different peoples discussion for each of the original 5. This was the MINIMUM you HAD to do. By the end of the semester, I had over 400 discussions posts. Oh, and I had tests every week. You wanna tell me this shit isn't hard? really? tell it to me so I can hit you in the face.

Rant done.

I just put a vanilla bean pound cake in the oven twenty minutes ago, and it smells so good. I love vanilla bean. I love pound cake. I am thinking I am going to love the two together.

Random Ramble.

I have one more class as a Graduate student... One more class till I graduate... One more class and then I don't have to take another class unless I want to. And we all know I will want to after a year or so. I finished a class last week with a wonderful "A" making my last and final GPA a 4.0. Well, I still have one class, and not to be over confident, I am 99.6% sure I will get an A in that as well. I am just sayin'.

I ordered all my graduation stuff; cap, gown, HOOD, invitations, etc. I am getting pictures taken by my lovely fake girlfriend Shannon in April to put in the invitations. My BA certificate is still in the original envelope it was mailed to me in back in June 2009. I am sure this one for my MA will also stay in the envelope. At least I haven't lost it.

I am itching to get back to England once I graduate. My friend DK works for an airline, so I could go for wicked cheap (just pay taxes), but she can only go for a weekend. That just isn't enough time. I might try and go for a week before her and see if someone wants to go with me and then meet her there for a weekend. My friend CT is going to Portugal and Spain for 18 days in June/July, followed by a week in London to see his mum, and then going to San Diego for work. He will literally be gone for a month. Sad, but super exciting for him.

My advisor wants my thesis chapters by Wednesday night. That means I will be staying up late tonight and tomorrow to work on them. It's been awhile, and even though most of the writing is done, we are trying to get my defense to happen on the 1st of April. So then I can make changes for a week, print it, and be done. Holy crap, it's happening so fast.

Tomorrow I am booking reservations for skydiving. Holy crap, SUPER EXCITING. Like whoa. Me, my aunt, CT, and possible BK (WHAT UP BOYYY!) are going to be going. May 12. Two days before I graduate. Holla.

I can't believe I am graduating again. With a Masters. Did I tell you I wrote a 10 page paper in 3 hours and only missed 10 points on it? That's right. I am fucking brilliant.

I have been doing a lot of painting. People have been telling me that I should see if I can get my paintings into a gallery here in town... I don't know if I am that good.

To dinner, then to Starbucks to get me a large coffee for the night ahead, then home to write, write, write.

Snow, snow, go away, come again another day

It is snowing... It hasn't stopped snowing since I woke up at 9 this morning. It is a very wet snow and while it is sticking a little bit, it isn't stacking up and creating a ridiculous amount of snow. I should probably consider it a blessing in disguise since I have to write my final paper for my first 7-week course this weekend. I should also work on my thesis, because now I have so much determination to get it done as soon as possible so I can take a trip to celebrate before I graduate. Also, I have an incredible, amazing, holy-shit awesome job possibility waiting for me.

Lately, I have realized that I need to travel more. A lot more. Because as soon as I graduate and get a full-time job, it will be difficult to travel. I was planning on going to Seattle March 8-13th, but I think I might wait until the end of April/beginning of May. By that time, I will know for sure that I will be graduating and that my thesis is doooone. It will be a little graduation present to myself. I would like to go for a week so I can see the sights in Seattle, but also head up to Vancouver for a bit. I also want to go to Hawaii and back to England. Probably England more so than Hawaii, but still, I would like to do both. I would also like to travel more within the states and see some of the things that are essentially right in my back yard.

It is 12.30, I have four full pages of my paper done, and only 9 more to go. But I am going to stir crazy, and all I want to do is some painting. I haven't done any painting in a really long time. *sigh* Maybe next weekend. No, let's change that to, for sure next weekend. I am gonna buy my some giant canvases and paint me some art.

2011 so far

This is my last semester of Graduate school (for a few years), and I have a mix of emotions. I will be thrilled to not have to worry about school work (for a few months, until I start realizing that I have all this free time and not stress. Cause I am a sick, sick lady who loves stress). I have a great job, and I will be published soon on multiple pieces. I am busting my ass in work and in school and I feel good about it. I usually don't work Friday's because I have a thesis to write, but I went in yesterday and I did a ton of work, caught a lot of editorial issues, and put together an acknowledgments page, which I am on as a research assistant, thankyouverymuch. It's gonna be a fabulous, fabulous year. I can tell.

I have met some incredible people, one in particular that blows my mind. It's still new, it's still fresh, and there are a lot of unknowns. And, I don't care... I only care for the company, the 6 hour conversations, the adventures, the disc golf, and the way I feel. I am not insecure, I am not being the co-dependent asshole I usually am... I am simply living in the moment, and loving everything about it. "Carpe diem, quam minimum credula postero."

One of my goals for myself is to become a teacher; to help kids learn about language and what it means. This too is something that is happening. I know I am going to be a great teacher because I sucked at school, and I had and must continue to work on learning. Writing never came easy for me, and while I write some pretty awesome stuff, it takes a lot for me to write. I am getting better at it because I have to write a ridiculous amount for school and work, but I understand the struggle school and learning can be. And I want to be that teacher that encourages students and tells them they have potential, because we all do... some of us just have to work on it harder than others.

Oh. And then there is this:

Can I just say how fucking hard this was?! I threw up after mile 3, couldn't feel my feet after mile 6, and started crying at mile 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, and 13. Just a little tear here and there, but mile 10, when I was so close to being done, but so fucking miserable and tired and sore did the tears actually start coming down my face. I am so proud of myself, and I am so impressed with myself. Especially since at mile 5 I was about to give up and just say "fuck it." And even though my mind was talking negatively about myself, I pushed through and I finished. I can actually walk again, but my poor feet are still in bad shape. I had some pretty bad blisters all over my feet, two being bigger than a silver dollar and so plumped up it looked like a lemon. But I did it. Holy fuck I DID IT. And, I would totally do it again... I will just train longer, harder, and better next time.

I bought two graduation dresses... I bought two because I couldn't decide... because they are both just so cute. Anthropologie is the death of me. I love their dresses so much. I love their clothes, but their dresses seem to fit me a lot better. I bought both of them in a size smaller than I am currently. They both fit, don't get me wrong, but they will fit better with 20 pounds removed from my body. I am leaning towards the yellow one... and I have these cute red mary jane highheels to wear with the dress I decide:

Come on... how cute is this?!


It is not black, but a navy blue... which would also look fabulous with my red shoes.

I haven't been able to go to the gym or "boot camp" at my gym because my ankle has been kind of screwy since the marathon, and I don't want to injure myself anymore. I am hoping this next week I can at least start going swimming or something that is not high impact on my legs. 20 pounds will come off!!

I am growing out my hair a bit, and it has been so hard for me not to cut it off. I am actually wearing it in this ridiculously little pony tail because it looks like a mullet when I wear it flat. It's getting there, but it is annoying. I haven't had my hair this "long" in a year... It's been super short since I started my new job last year. Ugh. I just need it a bit longer so I can curl it to hide the awkwardness of the growing out process.

Let's see... what else, what else... Nothing really. Life is good. Health is good. Spirits are good, and 2011 has been awfully incredible so far.