something was awakened

I was recently part of a local performance of Eve Ensler's "The Vagina Monologues." It was something I went to on a regular basis; something that I really enjoyed and felt familiar. Sitting in the audience, I was in awe at the women on stage, but something felt familiar. There was a tug on my soul, a feeling of needing to be on that stage, to be part of this production.

Now, I have been on a stage ever since I was little. I can't deny that... I was part of choir since I was in kindergarten... I loved being on that stage and singing my heart out. I remember a picture of me while in in kindergarten during our Christmas show, and I was smiling, wearing a halo, and wearing my red cast proud. I sung all through grade school, middle school, and for the last two years of high school. Getting into college, I put off choir for a year, but then sang in it until I left for England for a semester. Once I got back, I lost touch with singing and being on stage, but always debated on why I didn't feel 100% into it while singing.

And then it hit me. I auditioned for The Vagina Monologues, and I was enthusiastic about it. I felt a little nervous since I had lost the memory of being on stage, from performing, but I nailed it. It felt right, complete, where I needed to be.

I was very strict on going to every practice and giving it my all. Eventually the nervousness subsided and I got more and more comfortable. Just like I used to. Not just in choir for my life, but it felt familiar, maybe from a past life.

I practiced in my bathroom, working on my moves, my entrances, how I pronounce every single letter correctly in the script. It just clicked. I rocked. I was good.

Then came the actual performance this last Saturday. As soon as I walked through the curtains and went on stage, arms raised, costume on, I got an overwhelming sense of cheers and applause... but it was more than that. I felt like I was home.

The energy that came from me, I believe was felt from the audience. My presence on that stage was something I had never felt or had before; I felt strong, confident, and that I had been doing this for over one hundred years. I was this force that couldn't be reckoned with... I was unstoppable. I had fun. I worked my skit, I worked my body, I worked the audience. For being a beginner in this life for acting, I think it was noticeable that this wasn't my first time acting in the lifespan of my soul. It was an incredible feeling.

Needless to say, this performance sparked something in me, resurrected my soul. Brought back memories of performing a long time ago. I will be doing more of this; being on stage performing... it something that i need to continue to do. It was so releasing and so much fun. It was familiar and it was home.

This of course, is a funny post since I just got done reading, "The Power of Coincidence: How life shows us what we need to know" by David Richo. This book discusses meaningful coincidences and surprising connections occur that occur all the time in our daily lives, yet we often fail to appreciate how they can guide us, warn us, and confirm us on our life's path. This book explores how meaningful coincidence operates in our daily lives, in our intimate relationships, and in our creative endeavors.

Of course, this book and the play go hand-in-hand together. To think otherwise would be obscure and ridiculous. To be open to these coincidences and synchronicities is how you find not only what to do with this life, but what you've done in the past to make you choose this life.

I will be paying more attention to open casting calls for the local theatre production here to do more of this. I can't deny that it felt right and I had a ton of fun. I will also be participating in the Vagina Monologues again next year, that's for damn sure.

Gonna love you till my dyin' day

Today is a day that people associate with love. It seems that today is the day where you are supposed to flatter your special someone, or your daughter, mother, grandmother with some flowers and chocolate and loooove.

But for me, this day has nothing to do with the consumeristic holiday that people give into. Nope. Today is a day about my auntie.




The 14th of February is her birthday. And while I may not be able to celebrate with her today, I will make sure to celebrate it on the 24th when she comes into Flagstaff!




We're kind of two peas in a pod. A soul that's been in my life for forever. A person who has encouraged me through out my entire life and sends me boxes full of tooth brushes and tooth paste. Because we all know how dental hygeine is important.

I am a very lucky lady to have someone so amazing in my life. She's independent, she's smart, and she's goofy. All characteristics I love in people. And she's a genuine person who recognizes peoples feelings and showers the ones she loves with nothing but love and smiles.



She listens to me rant about all the bull-shit that seems to be in my head lately, and she lets my cry and doesn't judge me when I have snot running down my face at a fast rate. She don't care.

She loves my fake girlfriend who I took to see a few years back. She appreciates music and how it can touch and move our soul. She loves my art work and encourages me to do more.

She'll always be my valentine, and I will always be her. And I know that no matter what, she's one I can count on through thick and thin.

So, happy birthday, my dearest auntie. I love you so very much. And I am going to till my dyin' day. And in the next life too. But luckily, we don't have to worry about that anytime soon.

souls

Death is a funny thing. Whether it’s an actual death of a person, animal, plant, etc., it’s funny. I have become more open and more aware of the souls I have encountered over my lives, and while I can’t say that I have had many lives or that my soul is old, I can tell I am not a new soul.

The other week, I asked the beloved when he first noticed me. His answer was my first day of work; 1/11/10. Then, I asked when he first recognized me. He was a little hesitant at first, but said it was the same day, he just didn’t know how he recognized me. I noticed and recognized him the first day of work as well; there was something familiar, safe, comforting in this man and I needed to know more. I recognized his soul, but I couldn’t place his soul; I couldn’t figure out how he fit into my life in the present as well as the past. It was every day I would go into his office to just talk to him for a little bit—to probe and get to know this person that felt so familiar to me. I had no problem spilling my guts and not holding back. I felt like there were no secrets, and if there were, he already knew them.

Things didn’t progress until we started talking and hanging out more outside of work in November of 2010. Once we got out of the work environment and were both ready for things to reveal themselves, things slowly started clicking. The once distant, obscure man that I met back in January was slowly unraveling; become less distant, less obscure, and ready to answer any question I asked, without hesitation. That trust, that bond was something that made me realize that this person has and will always be in my life.

After we discussed when we noticed/recognized each other, I said, “It took you long enough to find me!” The beloved responded in almost the same way. It’s funny how that happens. I think a lot of the people in our life, which we feel this connection to, are ones we started out with. When we were a fresh, new soul, we clung to certain souls—souls that took us into their world and showed us things—souls that allowed us to grow and experience things, even though they knew that it was perhaps not the best idea. There are a few people, a few souls that I recognize and have had in all of my lives.

There are people I haven’t actually met yet that I feel like I know; people who I have spoken to over Skype, and while I haven’t even been able to see them, there’s something familiar there. I look forward to the time when we actually meet, and if I am right, which my gut tells me I am, there will be much to catch up on.

People are not aware of who they are. People are lost in the ether of superficial bull-shit, the ego, self-importance, and they are completely unaware of their surroundings. It’s hard to see someone you once held so close fall into this. But, what I have realized is that if they are going to fall into this ether, I would rather just wholly remove myself and watch from the sidelines as they continue to fall, hopefully notice and try to change, and climb back up from the massive hole of alienation, self-importance, and stupidity that they dug for themselves.

I will continue to wish nothing but the best, but realize I am no longer around anymore. Maybe once that realization that not only me, but others have left, things will improve for you. So I bid you adieu. Good luck. I have too many people/souls in my life that treat me right, that appreciate me and my being, who don’t let petty things alter the way they feel about me. Those are the ones I am sticking with. And I am perfectly content with that because they have nothing but love in their core.