Saturn return

“Saturn doesn’t ask us to give up our dreams, only to make them real” Steven Forrest I am currently going through my Saturn Return, and let me tell you, it’s been one hell of a journey so far. It has been putting me face-to-face with my deepest fears, stemming not only from lives past, but childhood. The pressure, emotions, fears, everything is seeping out and it feels insurmountable. I constantly have to take deep breaths and remind myself that it’s going to be ok. These are growing pains, and instead of running from them or suppressing them, I am trying my very best to deal with them as they arise. But sometimes, I just want a freaking break. I know that these growing pains are difficult—life has been difficult for a year and a half as I started navigating this “re-birth.” I am trying to gentle with myself and realize that navigating this fierce storm wisely will make me stronger, braver, and happier than ever thought possible. I’ve been working on me intensely for this last year and a half—I found an amazing therapist, I am trying to go deeper into my meditation and apply it to my life—the sleeves are rolled up and I am trying my best to dive into the work that needs to be done. I have been touching my Phoenix tattoo on my side a lot, remembering that when things fall apart (die), new things will fall into place. I’ve been working on feeling my feelings. The route I (and most people) take when they are scared or have fear or sadness, is to become angry. It’s much easier to get angry and yell then it is to really feel what I’m feeling. I have a whole lot of fear in me—about the lamest things that shouldn’t be a big deal. But I said it out loud this weekend, that these fears are real for me. THEY. ARE. REAL. FOR. ME. Of course, I was crying and having an intense conversation, but I said it. The amount of fear I have is astounding. My fear is all internal based on what past experiences have shown me when I have done or said something. Wanna jump out of a plane? I am ALL for it. Want me to tell you how I am really feeling? Naaaah, I don’t want to do that, I’d rather suppress it until it drives me batshit crazy and I explode. Not logical. Or healthy. And with this Cancer New Moon, I’ve already felt the effects from it. The Crab, the little creature who carries its home on its back, retreating into the home when it feels insecure, is something I can relate to. Working on this inner emotional security is hard freaking work. I have a partner that continues to be as understanding as he can be, and encourages me to speak my truth and let me be heard. I am lucky to have him and for him to support me in this rather painful journey. I also know that I am the one that has to do it—even with encouragement or support, it’s still me that has to take the steps and to do the work. So, I continue to work on it. I continue to realize that I will get through this, even if there are days it feels like I won’t. This work is so important, and so horrifying. I just have to take it one day at a time and one emotion at a time.

It's really happening! Traveling!

“Certainly, travel is more than the seeing of sights; it is a change that goes on, deep and permanent, in the ideas of living.” – Mary Ritter Beard

It’s finally happening—we booked out tickets for a five week adventure in the UK in early June. I’ve been wanting to travel and explore with my beau for the past 4 years, but financially, it’s been impossible for me. I had a lot of dental work done the first year we lived together, accruing a massive credit card bill from putting it all on there. It’s taken me three years to get out of credit card debt.

Yes, I’ve learned my lesson.

In February of this year, I finally got out of credit card debt and have been living debt free since. We got this application called You Need a Budget (YNAB) that we’ve been using for all our purchases and expenses. It’s been a life saver because now I know how much money I actually have and what I can spend it on. Some months, I have only enough money to pay my bills and savings, other months I have a little bit of extra to spend on a book or a piece of music. Sometimes it’s hard to realize how little money I have, but then I remember that all my needs are being met and that’s something not a lot of people have the comfort of knowing.

Anyway, I’ve been saving for the trip as much as I can for the past few years. It started with just saving $20 every paycheck to increasing it slowly once I got out of debt. My goal was to have enough money to not accrue any debt for our trip—to have the trip already paid for—and I’ve accomplished that. I have four more paychecks until we leave, and I will have a decent amount of money (plus the paychecks I get while there (I forget that I get paid while on vacation)), to know that I will have everything covered financially. It’s a huge relief and I am so thankful that this is how I approached this trip. Before, I probably would have just spent the money without having it and then get back into credit card debt.

What’s also great is that while we will make wise decisions on how much we spend for lodging, food, activities, we will have this sense of ease knowing that between the two of us, we have a pretty large chunk of money to be comfortable and not worry about money. Because I’ve spend most of my 20’s in debt, I’ve always been worried about money. There are times that I still do worry, but it’s lessened quite a bit since February. Not having to worry about money or thinking constantly “how am I going to pay for this?” is going to bring so much lightness to our trip! We are planning on still using YNAB and spreadsheets for our trip to keep track of how much we’re spending. If we stay in mostly cheap places for most of the trip, maybe for a few nights we’ll splurge and stay in a really fancy B&B or something. This will also help us to know how much we’ll need the next time we go to Europe.

This trip is a lot of firsts. Here are a few:

The first time I go to Scotland and Wales! The first time I have traveled for more than a week! The first time I will be traveling with my beau for 5 weeks! The first time where nothing is planned—no agenda, no hotels booked (except when we arrive), no set plans, etc.! The first time I will drive in the UK!

I am trying to not get too excited and forget about the now, but looking at things on Pinterest and Google is so much fun! I remember installing a countdown application on my iPad when we first booked our tickets, and it was almost 100 days away when we booked our tickets. Now, it’s in the 50’s. I have a lot going on in the next 50+ days including going on the river for 8 days at the end of this month, and a meeting down in Phoenix 4 days before we leave!

This time will go fast—it already has! It’s already been 40 some-odd-days since we booked our tickets! I am looking forward to traveling and experiencing the beauty of this world.

I plan on taking a journal with us and filling it up as we go. It’s hard to take a trip and then try and remember everything, so I plan on taking time each evening and writing what we saw, what we did, maybe a picture, a flower, or something to remember this experience. I think we will both appreciate taking the time to reflect and taking turns documenting our experience on our trip. And what an awesome keepsake!

I am looking forward to this adventure and its many firsts. And most importantly, I am looking forward to simply being and experiencing! My goal is to be in the moment as much as I can, treating each day, each moment as if it is new (which it most likely will be). Our dharma talk last night was talking about how we label things and that takes away from it. I focused my practice on realizing that every in breath and out breath, while they appear to similar to the previous one, were in fact totally different. I hope to continue this clarity and bring it on our trip so I can treat each view, each experience, each morning, and each road trip as if it is totally and utterly brand new. To be present and enjoy, without necessarily labeling it anything.

A year

March 14^th marked the day where my best friend called and told me her mom had a stroke. I will probably always remember every detail of that day. I remember what that when she called, I was making gluten-free and dairy-free cookies to take down to Phoenix so I could go see my grandma. When she told me she was coming to Flagstaff, I got SO excited cause it had been a few years since I had seen her. When she told me why she was coming to Flagstaff, I remember thinking that people recover from strokes all the time, so I thought nothing of it.

Then I get a text message from “Mom Munoz” on my phone and I instantly think everything is going to be ok, cause OBVIOUSLY she’s doing much better if she’s sending me text messages. It went off a few times and when I was finally able to check it, I saw “Nan in hospital.” “Stephanie is going to need you.” “Roger.”

Shit. Shit. Shit.

I head over to the hospital, to ICU where everyone is, and as soon as I walk into her room, I knew she wasn’t there. I knew she wasn’t going to recover. I knew this was going to be one of the worst days.

I had to stop sending text messages to my best friend and keep the seriousness of this event to myself. She had to fly from Oregon and the reason why she made it sound like it wasn’t a big deal was because Roger made it sound like it wasn’t a big deal so she could some-what fly sanely.

I went home for about three hours to try and take a nap before she arrived (around 12.30 the next morning, the 15^th). We were all there waiting for her. We took her to a different room to kind of prepare her for what she was about to walk into.

I stayed with her the whole night. I never once left her side. I was always as close as I could be as we laid next to Nan for the whole evening.

Anyway, I don’t need to continue in THIS much detail. What I wanted to get to was the fact that it’s been a year since Nan died. It’s been the longest and slowest year of my life so far.

This Saturday, a group of ten of us did the hike Nan always did in the Spring. It was the Schnebly Hill hike. The gate was closed, so we basically started at the freeway exit and hiked all the way down to Tlaquepaque for lunch. At least 15 miles, and a group of four us did it just shy of the 4 hours that was planned. The rest of the group was about 5.5 hours.

We couldn’t have asked for a better day hiking. It started off cool in the higher elevations and it got warm, but not hot throughout the day. We stopped and had snacks, appreciated the beauty of seeing Sedona, and I wrote “Nan” in some sand along the side of the road.

To my surprise, I wasn’t highly emotional. I felt sadness, sure, knowing she wasn’t going to physically hike this hike anymore, but I didn’t cry, feel the need to, or think it appropriate. It was a beautiful day. Perhaps I wasn’t as emotional as I thought I was going to be because I have been emotional for the past year. Perhaps it’s getting easier for me to deal with the fact that her soul is no longer here. Perhaps I am getting a bit more comfortable in mortality and knowing we are here for a reason, and once we’ve accomplished that reason, we’re all going to leave.

I got to spend three days with my best friend and it was great. We ate good food, baked, went to the knitting store, had a girls night with another one of our friends. It really was such a joyful experience and it felt good. I know Nan was with us every step of the way, and she will always be with us. And while her body, her vessel isn’t here, I know that her soul, her energy is here and will always be in my heart. And for that, I am grateful.

Here’s to Nan and her witchy laugh. Wherever she may be, I know she’s giggling and having a great time.

Music that feeds the soul

Music has always been a substantial part of my life. Since pre-school I have been in a choir throughout my school years. It was one of the ways I loved being creative. Choir was the one class I absolutely adored and looked forward to in my school years. In high school, I had a phenomenal choir director and he really helped me grow and mature as a singer. He was always pushing me and giving me advice on how to improve. I’ll never forget the impact he had on my life. I was in choir for three semesters in college before I went on an exchange program to England. It was a whole new ball game in singing, but it was so rewarding. I was one of the few Alto II’s and I was encouraged to let me true voice roar.

I haven’t been in a choir since the beginning of college, but I can still sing a mean karaoke song or sing loudly in my car. I will always have music in my life—it’s something that makes my heart swoon and makes me feel alive.

Brandi Carlile is my number one favourite artist, and her new album, “The Firewatchers Daughter” came out today. Luckily, I pre-ordered her CD months ago and they gave me a free mp3 download of the whole album. Needless to say, it’s been on repeat since I returned home from a work trip this weekend.

This album, man… this album… I don’t know if I could put into words what this album is. I have all her CDs, even the ones she recorded herself when she was starting out in coffee shops. It’s amazing to hear the changes in her voice, lyrics, musical experimentation, everything. Yet, she still has the original spark that caught my heart 11 years ago.

I have traveled to different states to see her perform, because honestly, she is by far the best live performer I have ever seen. When I flew to Reno to see her a long time ago with my aunt, I looked at my aunt and said, “be prepared to have your life changed.” And it’s true. Her live performances have been better than any of her CDs. The energy she brings to a show is astounding and inspiring. The way she and the twins give it their all in every performance is something I admire and love so much.

When I first met her, it was 2011, and it was the weekend of my M.A. graduation. My aunt (the same one mentioned above) and I went skydiving to celebrate and then drove down to Tucson to see Brandi perform. When I did meet her that night, the first thing I said to her was, “I jumped out of a fucking airplane today.” And ever since then, the times that I’ve met her after her shows, she remembers me as the girl who jumped out of an airplane.

I am good at making impressions. J

There’s something about her music that makes my heart flutter. Seeing her live will probably be one of the best experiences of my life, and I hope to fly up to Colorado in August to see her at Red Rocks. I hope her tour extends cause she’s not coming to Arizona or Nevada this summer, which makes me so sad! The last time I saw her was December 2012.

There have been other bands and singer songwriters that I’ve enjoyed, but they have never made me feel so alive, emotional, and raw as B.C. does. I can listen to her albums on repeat for the entire day (which I did yesterday) and I do not get sick of it. Sure there are songs that may be a bit less positive, but you know what, at least they are true. Life isn’t always positive and I think it’s important that we understand we all go through hard times in life, and if you’re a singer/songwriter, your outlet to let it go may be a song.

Music feeds my soul, and I am thankful for artists like Brandi Carlile that can not only make me feel, but are honest and true to their passion.

If you ever get the chance, go see her live. It will, without a single doubt, change your life.  In the meantime, here's a video of "Wherever is Your Heart," the second song on their new album. This video was done live--they are really singing and playing in this video.

Thoughts on Travel

“The use of travelling is to regulate imagination by reality, and instead of thinking how things may be, to see them as they are.” –Samuel Johnson

Travel, to me, is one of the most exciting experiences I’ve had the ability to have. We moved to Flagstaff in 1994, and I stayed through all of my school years in Flagstaff. I went to NAU for my undergrad, not being a fan of the heat (I only applied to the state colleges). Plus, Flagstaff was home—my friends were here, my mom, my kitties, and everything was wonderfully familiar. I must admit that I didn’t particularly like Flagstaff when I was a kid, but as I’ve grown up, I’ve come to absolutely adore this little town I call home.

Needing to change things up while I was an undergraduate student, I applied to study abroad in England. It was the scariest and most liberating experience of my life. Me, a small town girl, living in government housing, opened the door to new places and new experiences. I don’t think any of my family members believed that I’d actually follow through with it when I mentioned it in the early fall. But, I went to all the courses and interviews, got letters of recommendations from teachers, and prepared myself to live in England for 5 months.

That’s when the idea of traveling became such an important part of my life. While I was in England, I went to many different cities in England, but also got to go to Italy, France, and Ireland. The thrill of seeing new places, experiencing new cultures, and taking it all in was so liberating and incredible. I’ll never forget going to those places and how it felt knowing I was doing it on my own, with my own money, at the ripe age of 20.

I haven’t been back to Europe since 2007, but this year my partner and I plan on going for 4 to 6 weeks. After I graduated with my BA, that next fall I went straight into Grad School, and in 2011, when I graduated with my MA, I was figuring out what to do next. Maybe go abroad and get my PhD, maybe go abroad and try and get a job as an editor for a publishing house. I did neither of those things, as opportunities opened up at my current job, which was quite unexpected since I had been told for 1.5 years that I’d never get hired as a full-time employee.

As soon as I graduated in 2011, I moved out of the house my mom and I were in for the past 7 years, and moved in with two girls. I started experiencing paying rent, buying all of my own groceries, paying for pretty much everything I needed. And with my beginning salary, I was struggling to pay for things. I worried every month about my expenses and if I’d actually be able to pay for everything. Of course, it always worked out, but bringing home $400 every two weeks was harsh, so I used my credit card.

Once I actually got my full time job in 2012, money was still pretty tight (I hadn’t gotten a raise with the full-time job), but at least I could work 40 hours a week. I also got health, dental, and vision insurance, which was awesome! But with that, came the expenses of having multiple things done. I broke a tooth in April, so I had to get a crown and shell out $650.00 of which I didn’t have, then I got three more crowns as well as a re-treatment of a root canal that went bad, and then two more crowns. I didn’t think about planning for these huge expenses, I just charged them on my credit card. $10,000.00 later, I was at least done but had to figure out how to pay this all back.

So my goal of 2014 was to pay off my credit card. I stopped going out, stopped eating out as much, didn’t buy all the yarn I wanted, stopped buying clothes, stopped doing anything I knew I couldn’t afford. And by the second week of January, I was debt free.

The relief and the breath I could take knowing I was out of debt is still unbelievable.

My goal for 2015 is to travel abroad for 4-6 weeks. I already have the time for work available, and I have a travel account set up and putting money in it bi-weekly. I replaced most of my credit cards with cards that have the specific chips you need to go abroad, and I am putting it out in the universe, every single day, that my partner and I will go abroad this year.

One of the things that will be really helpful is this new budget application both of us have. It’s called, “You Need a Budget” and it basically tells you how much money you have to budget. I have never really known my actual budget after all my expenses were paid for, and this program has been helpful to see where my money is going. I have always micro-managed my money and have focused strictly on the money in my bank account, which has gotten me in a lot of trouble of over-spending. It’s only my second month using the program, but so far, I like it a lot and am looking forward to using it.

Anyway, back to traveling. Our goal is to travel to the UK and Scotland. In the UK, we’d explore for a week or so, and then take the train to Edinburgh, where we would rent a car and drive along the coast counter-clockwise. Experience the country of Scotland and stay in B&B’s, taking our time in each location. We have decided to not have a set agenda on what we do and where we go. Of course, we’ll need to buy plane tickets and train tickets, but for the most part, we plan on just going and staying at places along the way. A couple of my friends who have been to Scotland have said it’s rather easy (and cheaper) to not make reservations in advance, but to just go wherever it is you’re going and ask a local for a housing recommendation. We plan on going in late August and through September.

Our objective is to simply explore and enjoy the beauty, people, and experiences that follows. We’re not fancy and will not be spending a lot of money on fancy hotels or restaurants, but instead really enjoying the experience of travel. I personally don’t understand why people travel and stay in the main cities, in fancy hotels/resorts, but that’s ok. I don’t need to understand. What I do know is that we will most likely not being doing that. We even thought about camping, but we’re going to save that for another trip.

I find such joy in travel and I remember always being nervous when I did travel abroad, but how that nervousness ended once I was there. I’ve always been a nervous child, and I think with my new meditation practice and realizing that everything happens for a reason, it brings me a sense of calm and comfort. I am grateful to also have a partner who enjoys and wants to travel.  It’s one of the things we talked about when we started dating 4 years ago. We haven’t done a trip abroad before, but we have done road trips and traveled to different parts of this country, and luckily we’re great at traveling together.

I am looking forward to this year of new opportunities and travel.

Starting again and Intentions

One of the many things that I enjoy about meditation is the intention to start again. Whether it’s during actual meditation and my mind is focusing on everything else besides my breath, or if it’s getting wrapped up in the busy life that is outside meditation retreats, I can always start again. I can make the intention of starting, once again, to focus on my breath. Or to start again to slow down the pace of which I am moving and doing things.

For me personally, I’ve always had a hard time with being ok that I need to start again. When I put my mind to it, I want to do it right the first time. I wonder if that’s something that was something I learned at home or from society, or a mixture of both. I know that when I put my mind to something, I can easily do it. I may get sidetracked or lost or wander down another path, but I know if it really means that much to me, I can do it.

 

I also know that I am human and live in a human world where sometimes things just don’t work out the way you want them to. I am currently reading this book, and it is so refreshing and so raw. I thoroughly enjoy Sharon Salzberg’s writing and her honesty when it comes to meditation. The section I read the other night night was being able to start again, and the dharma talk my meditation teacher gave the same night was also about starting again. It’s so important to realize that life happens and sometimes we get wrapped up in the drama, the busy-ness of life, or a sour mood, but as long as we’re still breathing, we get to start again every time we notice we’re living a life or experiencing something we don’t want to.

It’s important for me to realize that this too is meditation. Being mindful and aware of what’s going on, what I’m feeling, what I’m doing, what I’m contributing to is mindful meditation. Once I got that down, I realized that I can step back, stop, take a breath, acknowledge what I was doing, and then start again.

Last night I attended a Women’s Intention circle. It was a lovely way to spend a cold, snowy Tuesday, and while I only knew two people there, everyone was so welcoming and inviting. We all spoke about our intentions and offered helpful comments or tips to each other. My intention this year is to strengthen my Loving-Kindness practice, especially when it comes to myself. I ended up crying last night as I shared my intention because it’s really hard for me to give loving-kindness to myself. This past year has been difficult on so many levels and I need to have more compassion for myself when I cry, when I struggle, when I get angry, etc.

And what I love about my intention is that I get the opportunity to start again every single moment of the day. And by starting again, my intention of more loving-kindness will continue to grow and strengthen. When I notice that I am beating myself up for crying or being angry, I can notice it and give myself a little loving-kindness.

I imagine this year will be another year of growth for me. And I need to remember to keep my intention of loving-kindness and starting again in my mind, and I think I can handle whatever this year gives me. One moment at a time.

2014 in review

I spent time reflecting on 2014 as it was wrapping up and while it was one of the most challenging years, it was also one filled with learning and new ways to bring my meditation practice into a higher level.

 

The beginning of 2014 started lovely—we celebrated with friends at Flagstaff’s famous pine cone drop, kissed my beloved, and was in aw that it was already 2014.

In February The Vagina Monologues was performed and to see my work and direction come alive on that stage (thanks to the amazing women that performed) was one of the most amazing feelings. It was hard though—there were agendas, drama, and life issues. I also decided to grow as a knitter!

I was going to start making more than just hats and scarves, so I dived right on and made my first sweater.

Also in February, one of my dear friends got diagnosed with breast cancer and the planning of removing her breasts, ovaries, and chemo was discussed in length. I was happy to be there with her husband in the hospital to offer support and distraction. I was even more happy to be there for her. We weren’t the closets of friends, but that experience brought us closer together.

In March, my friend had her first mastectomy. A week later, Nan died. To have lost someone I held so dear and close to my heart shook and rattled my world. I’ve never lost someone I was close to, and to know that this woman who treated me like her own daughter was no longer going to be in this world broke and shattered my heart. There was so much emotion. All the time. Overwhelming to the point where there were times I couldn’t get out of bed.

April was when I decided I needed to go to therapy. I needed to talk to someone who was a professional, but also had a meditation practice. Someone to help me figure out what the hell I am supposed to do. Of course, she couldn’t tell me the answers, but we started to work together to try and figure out what I can do to help myself.

I got a wonderful surprise in May when my beloved secretly planned with my aunt and grandma to surprise me for my birthday. We got home from work and then out popped my aunt and grandma. There was screaming, and jumping up and down, and of course crying (because hello, I am highly emotional right now). It was exactly what I needed to perk up my attitude.

June was a pretty quiet month. I started to feel like I could breathe a bit more without this overwhelming sense of grief or sadness.

In July, we started a fish tank. It was a pretty exciting event. It’s about 50 gallons and we found it a perfectly good tank for $20 at a garage sale. And then a week later, we found the perfect solid wood bar for $20, again at a garage sale.

August, my dad died. And with his death, came about a whole new experience to dealing with grief. The thing with Nan that I felt ok with is, she knew she was loved. She knew I loved her, her kids loved her, her husband, her many, many friends. I knew that she felt our love when we were all at the hospital and throughout her short life on this earth. With my dad, I (still) don’t know if he knew he was loved. I was getting to the point where I wanted to reach out more, do more, get to know my dad more. I was letting the past stories slowly melt away so I could create my own story with my dad. And now, I can’t. I try and not have guilt or regrets, knowing we loved each other and that we did the best that we could, but man, was it crushing.

Also in August, my partners mom came to visit from the UK. It was nice to have her here—we always have good conversation and I enjoy the girl time we share with each other.  I was able to take time off this time around, so it was nice to spend quality time with the two of them and be a little more included in the activities.

September was a pretty mellow month. I started belly dancing, and it has become one of my favourite activities. It’s so much fun and my lovely lady curves just go with it. It’s amazing.

October I traveled to Ohio for the annual Science Writers Conference. I enjoy these conferences because I get so engulfed in Grand Canyon science, that I forget that there are other people doing other really cool things in the science fields.

At the end of October, my uncle had heart surgery to try and fix his pacemaker. My uncle has been the only man to survive the ladies of the family, and he’s been like a dad to me for my entire life.

November, a few days after my uncle had surgery, my grandma had a stroke. Getting that phone call was hard. I wanted to curse at the world and tell it to give me a freaking break. My grandma is one of the people I hold so very, very, close to my heart. Luckily, my grandma is really healthy and it was only a minor stroke, but a very large wake-up call to everyone in the family. My grandma will be 87 this year, and we are all so lucky that she’s still kicking and screaming and being her feisty self.

December was a mellow month. My uncle was put in a rehabilitation center to try and get his strength back. He seems to be doing ok now, but we just gotta take one day at a time.

 I took two weeks off work, so I only worked about 10 days in December. My partner and I don’t do Christmas presents anymore, but rather be present with each other. I made a delicious pot roast, pumpkin pie, and apple crisp, and a friend of ours brought over a delicious red and green themed salad. We had a fire and talked about life. It was a brilliant day and we even got a little snow.

New Years was spent at home, with a fire, knitting, and a game. We played a game together and when the game was over, we looked at the clock, saw that it said 12.02 we said happy New Year to each other, kissed, and went to bed. It was the perfect New Year’s celebration for us this year, and I am so thankful for it.

2015 is here, and I am trying not to cling to any outcome of it. I do have goals (not resolutions), but goals to do this year. My first and largest goal is to go abroad. We talked about our trip at the very beginning of the year to make sure we were on the same path on what we wanted to do and experience. We’re planning on going to the UK to visit his mom, and I want to go to the Jane Austen House as well as Wendover Castle. We both want to go to Bath and Wales. We then want to travel up to Scotland and just visit the country side. Neither one of us is really interested in getting sucked into a tourist trap, and I’d much rather visit little towns and the country than be where a lot of people are. We were thinking about going to Ireland, but I think we’re just gonna stick with the UK and Scotland, and maybe renting a car and driving around Scotland so we can get to far off place.

My other goal is to be out of cc debt, which should happen by February, so that will be nice to tick off. Once that’s done, I will be able to save more money to be able to accomplish the big goal of going abroad.

Here’s to 2015 and whatever it may bring.  I am trying not to hope or wish for anything, but just to be present with whatever happens.