Day 4

Last night was a really restful night. The previous night was awful--I didn't get to bed until 1 am because I was freezing and I couldn't get warm. Which might have had something to do with my lack of appetite. So I went to bed early (8 pm, which is maybe 30 minutes earlier than normal), and kept my fleece jacket on until my partner came into bed and could add body heat to the sheets.




This morning I was determined to start the day off with breakfast and to do better than I did yesterday. I didn't want to eat eggs and sausage, since I had them the night before, so I made a monkey salad. I put pecans, cashews, coconut, and sliced bananas. I found this "salad" last year when I did my second Whole30, and I ate it for awhile, but then forgot about it until this morning when I was looking in my pantry.




Lunch was the last of the buffalo chicken sliders with sauerkraut. Phew! I made way too much and now I know better. But, it is helpful to have so many left overs that I don't have to cook every day or so. I love cooking, but I do get worn out from it, especially when I've had a hard day energy wise.


I've been really enjoying Brew Lala's peach and ginger green tea. It's my little "treat" mid morning and mid afternoon. It is also helping to keep my sugar demon in check. They have a lot of really awesome flavours I'd like to try including blueberry.


Dinner was a few bites of chicken meatballs. And with that, we are not longer eating leftovers! Whew. That was ROUGH.


The whole day was a pretty blah day. The detox of sugar and bad food is pretty intense this time. I went to bed early last night again in hopes that Thursday wouldn't be hard.

Whole30 day 3

This morning, I woke up with the groggy... I felt freezing all night long--I think it was maybe 1 am by the time sleep finally came. And then I woke up and was just not wanting to adult today.




Again, I woke up with no appetite, and so I packed my breakfast to go, since I couldn't even think about eating without wanting to puke. I had a doctors appointment this morning, so by the time I came to the office, it was 9am, and I still wasn't hungry. I finally ate a banana and the last bit of frittata at about 10:30. Some days, you have to be gentle with yourself.




Lunch, again, was buffalo chicken slides (the last bit). I really do find them delicious, but two or three days is my limit with eating the same food. So next time I'll make less so we don't have so many left overs.




I didn't want to eat left overs again, so I made some eggs, sausage, and a scoop of unsweetened apple sauce. I wanted simplistic and something I haven't already eaten a day before. But, once I was done with that, I wanted to eat all the things--sweet things, crispy things, salty things. So, I spent my time looking on Audible for a new book to listen to.


Day 3 wasn't my best day, but I stayed compliant and while I might have broken the 3 meals rule, I feel ok with listening to my body and not feeding it when the thought of food makes me want to vomit.


Day 4 will be better. :)

Whole30 day 2

What I've learned during my multiple Whole30's, is that it is really important to make enough food. Especially for leftovers, so you always have lunch the next day. Work, for me, is the hardest place to stay compliant. Looking at a computer all day, reading documents all day, being bored or irritated, makes it really easy for me to just sit at my desk and snack all day long or go to the grocery store for some sugar. I am definitely a person who eats when they are bored, and the Whole30 keeps that in check, as you're not allowed to just eat to eat. My partner tends to eat more than I do, which is totally fine, but I've learned that sometimes I have to triple (or quadruple) the recipe in order for me to have lunch the next day, especially during the week. Going to Whole Foods for lunch is sometimes torture, especially because sometimes I just want to eat that chicken pot pie casserole or get a piece of cake, so I try to always bring a lunch with me to work. There are times, of course, where this doesn't work, and the further I get into my Whole30, the easier it is for me to stick with the salad bar and not even look at anything else.




The first couple of days are hard for me. My sleep is a little wonky, and my cravings for sweets is really engrained. I love sweets--I could give up chips forever if it meant I could eat all the sweet things. And what's important to me is that I know I am addicted to sugar--I get it now! I grew up in a family of women where sweets are ok to eat for breakfast, lunch, and/or dinner. For Christmas day, we always had coffee and devoured a 5 lbs. box of See's candy. It was a tradition! I do occasionally indulge in a few pieces of See's candy when it becomes available in Flagstaff (after Thanksgiving), but I don't go out buying a 5 lbs. box for myself anymore.




I was living the Whole30 life 90% of the time before we left for Scotland. It was the fittest I'd ever been--33 mile bike rides were hard mentally, but not physically, I had muscle definition for the first time in my thighs, and I just felt amazing! I was happy and slept well! Then we went to Scotland and the UK for 6 weeks, and I fully experienced all the yumminess that is the UK. I ate a lot of sticky toffee pudding, and bread, and cheese, and it was 100% worth it. But then we came back from the UK and I didn't stop eating that way. It became winter time and French toast casseroles were all I wanted to eat. And I for sure set the date for January 31, and over-indulged right before the 31st.


So my meals were a lot of leftovers, with the exception of dinner!


Meal 1: Leek, bacon, and pablano frittata
Meal 2: Buffalo Chicken Slides
Meal 3: Orange Chicken meatballs

The meatballs were delicious, but for the first time during my Whole30, I don't have much of an appetite. I always thought it was weird that people had days that they just weren't hungry. Perhaps because I've always done a Whole30 in the spring/summer, so I am constantly riding my bikes so I feel like I am ALWAYS hungry. But I had one meat ball and a few green beans.

Whole30 day 1 Complete

Yesterday was the first day of my 3rd round of Whole30. I made a lot of really yummy food! Food I'd never made before which is making me pretty blissed out.


The morning started out with a bacon, leek, and pablano frittata, which was pretty much the best frittata I've had in my entire life. I've made loads of them, but this one, even with no spices and just salt and pepper in the eggs, was so delicious. It make a huge 9x13 pans worth, so we have breakfasts for three days, and I couldn't be more stoked. And not just because there is two pounds of crispy, delicious, whole30 compliant bacon in there.


I for sure did not eat enough at breakfast, so I was pretty hungry only 3 hours after. Whole30 suggests waiting about 5 hours between each meal, so I took note to eat a larger portion. It usually takes me a few days to figure out portions again, and especially since I've never done a Whole30 in the winter, where I am not really all that active, I was trying to be mindful about not eating too much.


Meal 2 was a simple chicken salad with Granny Smith Apples, and pecans with a side of cucumber slices, avocado slices, and tomato slices. It was delicious and only took a few minutes to whip up. I like quick and easy!


Again, I didn't eat enough, so I ended up having the other half of the Granny Smith Apple about a few hours later to hold me over until dinner time.


Meal 3 was buffalo chicken sliders with sweet potato "buns" and sauerkraut. I put 6 chicken breasts in the crockpot with salt and pepper, and let them cooked most of the day. After about 7 hours, I took the chicken out, and shredded it with a fork, placed it back in the crockpot and put an entire bottle of Tessamae's buffalo sauce in it and mixed it all up. I sliced sweet potatoes, covered them in oil, and then baked them until they were soft.


Needless to say, the first day was filled with amazing food! I made bacon wrapped dates for bookclub, and indulged in 4 of those as well.


I think it will be not so tedious this time around, considering I have brand new recipes to make and tweak and they are all relatively easy. I even printed them all out, made a spreadsheet, and have it in a binder to get some help from the partner for cooking during the week.


I did take my measurements again to document the before, but I try not to really think about that aspect of the Whole30, which is the point. You wanna focus on the lifestyle changes--the sleep cycle, the energy cycle, the lack of cravings. It's not just physical changes you want to hope for (although, they are nice). This program, this lifestyle, is the kind that makes me feel my best. And when I feel my best, I do my best at work, for friends, for my relationship, and that is what really matters.


Here's a collage of the first day:

It's 2016!

I am starting my third round of Whole30 on the 31^st of January along with three other amazing ladies. The winter months are hard for me personally. The short days makes it so I am usually in bed by 7:30 or 8 pm, and all I want to do is eat warm breads, potatoes, and sweets.

Last summer, I was the most fit I’d ever been in my life. Riding my bike everywhere, eating mostly Whole30, and getting outside as much as possible, made it so I was weighing in at 156! It’s the smallest I’ve ever been, and honestly, it was the best I’ve ever felt. Not just because of my weight, but because I was exercising every day and eating food that really fueled my body and kept me going.

Since we were in and got back from Scotland, both my partner and I have been eating pretty much whatever we want, and for me, I’ve been feeling it. I feel heavy and weighed down, I feel lethargic, and because I feel so bad, I just want to continue eating poorly. Does anyone else go through this awful cycle?

So, starting on Sunday, I am starting the Whole30, with the hopes of making it more like a Whole30 95% of the time for the rest of the year. I miss feeling great about myself both inside and out, and all the energy that comes with it. I’ve printed out recipes and made a schedule of all the food so that my partner can help out with the cooking as well. I’ll try my best to post recipes here so you can follow along. I am hoping to do a Whole60 or even a Whole90 before I switch to eating Whole30 95% of the time. I know it’s still in the dead of winter, and honestly, working out on my trainer is not as exciting as riding my bike around town, but I want to be fit and conditioned to be able to start riding my bike in April. I long for 30 mile bike rides in the summer and the overall happiness and sometimes doubt that I go through with being as active as I was.

I am off to Phoenix this week for a meeting, so I will be able to taste my favourites one last time while I am down there, before I real nail my diet back down. Hopefully it will make me appreciate the food and take my time, instead of just rushing and eating it as quickly as possible.

Here’s to 2016 being my healthiest, fittest, and happies year yet!

Saturn return

“Saturn doesn’t ask us to give up our dreams, only to make them real” Steven Forrest I am currently going through my Saturn Return, and let me tell you, it’s been one hell of a journey so far. It has been putting me face-to-face with my deepest fears, stemming not only from lives past, but childhood. The pressure, emotions, fears, everything is seeping out and it feels insurmountable. I constantly have to take deep breaths and remind myself that it’s going to be ok. These are growing pains, and instead of running from them or suppressing them, I am trying my very best to deal with them as they arise. But sometimes, I just want a freaking break. I know that these growing pains are difficult—life has been difficult for a year and a half as I started navigating this “re-birth.” I am trying to gentle with myself and realize that navigating this fierce storm wisely will make me stronger, braver, and happier than ever thought possible. I’ve been working on me intensely for this last year and a half—I found an amazing therapist, I am trying to go deeper into my meditation and apply it to my life—the sleeves are rolled up and I am trying my best to dive into the work that needs to be done. I have been touching my Phoenix tattoo on my side a lot, remembering that when things fall apart (die), new things will fall into place. I’ve been working on feeling my feelings. The route I (and most people) take when they are scared or have fear or sadness, is to become angry. It’s much easier to get angry and yell then it is to really feel what I’m feeling. I have a whole lot of fear in me—about the lamest things that shouldn’t be a big deal. But I said it out loud this weekend, that these fears are real for me. THEY. ARE. REAL. FOR. ME. Of course, I was crying and having an intense conversation, but I said it. The amount of fear I have is astounding. My fear is all internal based on what past experiences have shown me when I have done or said something. Wanna jump out of a plane? I am ALL for it. Want me to tell you how I am really feeling? Naaaah, I don’t want to do that, I’d rather suppress it until it drives me batshit crazy and I explode. Not logical. Or healthy. And with this Cancer New Moon, I’ve already felt the effects from it. The Crab, the little creature who carries its home on its back, retreating into the home when it feels insecure, is something I can relate to. Working on this inner emotional security is hard freaking work. I have a partner that continues to be as understanding as he can be, and encourages me to speak my truth and let me be heard. I am lucky to have him and for him to support me in this rather painful journey. I also know that I am the one that has to do it—even with encouragement or support, it’s still me that has to take the steps and to do the work. So, I continue to work on it. I continue to realize that I will get through this, even if there are days it feels like I won’t. This work is so important, and so horrifying. I just have to take it one day at a time and one emotion at a time.

It's really happening! Traveling!

“Certainly, travel is more than the seeing of sights; it is a change that goes on, deep and permanent, in the ideas of living.” – Mary Ritter Beard

It’s finally happening—we booked out tickets for a five week adventure in the UK in early June. I’ve been wanting to travel and explore with my beau for the past 4 years, but financially, it’s been impossible for me. I had a lot of dental work done the first year we lived together, accruing a massive credit card bill from putting it all on there. It’s taken me three years to get out of credit card debt.

Yes, I’ve learned my lesson.

In February of this year, I finally got out of credit card debt and have been living debt free since. We got this application called You Need a Budget (YNAB) that we’ve been using for all our purchases and expenses. It’s been a life saver because now I know how much money I actually have and what I can spend it on. Some months, I have only enough money to pay my bills and savings, other months I have a little bit of extra to spend on a book or a piece of music. Sometimes it’s hard to realize how little money I have, but then I remember that all my needs are being met and that’s something not a lot of people have the comfort of knowing.

Anyway, I’ve been saving for the trip as much as I can for the past few years. It started with just saving $20 every paycheck to increasing it slowly once I got out of debt. My goal was to have enough money to not accrue any debt for our trip—to have the trip already paid for—and I’ve accomplished that. I have four more paychecks until we leave, and I will have a decent amount of money (plus the paychecks I get while there (I forget that I get paid while on vacation)), to know that I will have everything covered financially. It’s a huge relief and I am so thankful that this is how I approached this trip. Before, I probably would have just spent the money without having it and then get back into credit card debt.

What’s also great is that while we will make wise decisions on how much we spend for lodging, food, activities, we will have this sense of ease knowing that between the two of us, we have a pretty large chunk of money to be comfortable and not worry about money. Because I’ve spend most of my 20’s in debt, I’ve always been worried about money. There are times that I still do worry, but it’s lessened quite a bit since February. Not having to worry about money or thinking constantly “how am I going to pay for this?” is going to bring so much lightness to our trip! We are planning on still using YNAB and spreadsheets for our trip to keep track of how much we’re spending. If we stay in mostly cheap places for most of the trip, maybe for a few nights we’ll splurge and stay in a really fancy B&B or something. This will also help us to know how much we’ll need the next time we go to Europe.

This trip is a lot of firsts. Here are a few:

The first time I go to Scotland and Wales! The first time I have traveled for more than a week! The first time I will be traveling with my beau for 5 weeks! The first time where nothing is planned—no agenda, no hotels booked (except when we arrive), no set plans, etc.! The first time I will drive in the UK!

I am trying to not get too excited and forget about the now, but looking at things on Pinterest and Google is so much fun! I remember installing a countdown application on my iPad when we first booked our tickets, and it was almost 100 days away when we booked our tickets. Now, it’s in the 50’s. I have a lot going on in the next 50+ days including going on the river for 8 days at the end of this month, and a meeting down in Phoenix 4 days before we leave!

This time will go fast—it already has! It’s already been 40 some-odd-days since we booked our tickets! I am looking forward to traveling and experiencing the beauty of this world.

I plan on taking a journal with us and filling it up as we go. It’s hard to take a trip and then try and remember everything, so I plan on taking time each evening and writing what we saw, what we did, maybe a picture, a flower, or something to remember this experience. I think we will both appreciate taking the time to reflect and taking turns documenting our experience on our trip. And what an awesome keepsake!

I am looking forward to this adventure and its many firsts. And most importantly, I am looking forward to simply being and experiencing! My goal is to be in the moment as much as I can, treating each day, each moment as if it is new (which it most likely will be). Our dharma talk last night was talking about how we label things and that takes away from it. I focused my practice on realizing that every in breath and out breath, while they appear to similar to the previous one, were in fact totally different. I hope to continue this clarity and bring it on our trip so I can treat each view, each experience, each morning, and each road trip as if it is totally and utterly brand new. To be present and enjoy, without necessarily labeling it anything.