Back towards the end of May and most of June, I was struggling with something I had never struggled with before. I was put into a situation where I was questioning love. Questioning what was going on and what I had done wrong. It was hard. I had never been put in that situation with my beloved for a year and a half, so it was a shock on my system.
We worked it out and everything is so wonderful, I sometimes pinch myself with just how lucky I am.
At the end of our BBQ last weekend, the conversation of manifestation came up. I am and have always been a firm believer in manifestation. It's something that I have experienced multiple times, as well as seen happen many times. The universe always deliverers what you ask. If you focus on the negative, you'll always get it. If you focus on the positive, you'll get positive.
Before I met my beloved, I had been in a SERIES of shitty relationships. People treating me poorly emotionally, people lying, people being totally fake, and people just taking advantage of all the love I have to give. So, I went on a break. I wrote down on a piece of white printer paper what I was looking for in a partner. I listed everything I could think of that I knew I needed/wanted. I put that list away and I worked on me. I put school first, I put health first, I put me first, which is something I hadn't done in a really long time.
I got a new job in my actual field of study, and I was scared, nervous, and so excited! My first day, I saw my beloved. It was instant... an instant spark, an instant chemistry, and instant familiarity. Those bright blue eyes touched my soul and made butterflies appear instantly in my stomach. It wasn't the right time, and I was still figuring myself out. And, he was with someone else. It wasn't the time yet.
We built a work relationship and I often frequented his office to talk about school, baking, disc golf, anything really. It was simple, it flowed, it was nice. I gave him my phone number in the summer, hoping that I would have a new friend to play disc golf with or just to hang out with. I was lacking in the friend department, so I needed new people.
He never called.
I can't say I wasn't disappointed, because I was. He seemed like a really down-to-earth cool guy who I could be nerdy with. But, still, wasn't the right timing.
As the summer progressed and it moved into fall, I noticed a shift in his mood. He wasn't the happy guy I met that first day of work. He had a sad look in his eyes and all I wanted to do was to take him out and talk to see if he would feel better escaping what was ever eating him up.
It wasn't until Halloween, when we were at another co-workers house for a Halloween party did we really start talking. We sat together and watched all the very young people play beer pong and get exceedingly drunk.
After that, he started to perk up again. He was getting happier and we started talking. Later, I found out that he had just broken up with his girlfriend and moved out. Obviously, the relationship they were in wasn't a happy one if it changed him to be sad all the time. I didn't know about the relationship, nor did I ask. It was his to work out.
I started inviting him out to karaoke with me to get out and for us to get to know each other outside the work place. It was nice to talk to someone who was on the same mind wave as me.
We went our separate ways for Christmas, but exchanged text messages here and there... It was all finally falling into place and I could sense it. I was nervous, not going to lie, but I was also really excited.
January 1, we went and saw True Grit together. I sat there, anticipating him holding my hand, but alas, nothing happened. We ended up going to the Wine Loft multiple days a week, drinking a glass or two and staying until midnight. Non-stop conversation and laughter. It was so nice.
He made his move, and that first kiss will always be a memory. It was breathtaking. It was emotional, it was filled with wanting and love. From then on, we hung out maybe two or three times a week enjoying each others company.
We started dating, and it was easy. I had never been so myself around someone. I had never not changed for someone. He didn't want me to or expect me to. He accepted me as exactly who I am.
We became inseparable; we were always together over the weekends, often starting on Thursday and not ending until Monday at work when I finally went home. It was great. We played games, we read, we cooked, we went out dancing. It was so lovely.
I asked him to be my boyfriend towards the end of July and told him I loved him (holy shit was I scared) on August 10. We spent every weekend together until we moved in together.
He is everything I wrote down on that piece of paper. I manifested the relationship and partner I was longing for. Him and the relationship are the best things I have manifested. I am so lucky.
As of lately, we have been saying "I love you" a lot more. It's a nice change. Every morning I either leave a note on his tea when I leave for the morning, or he sends me a text message saying it.
He's my soul mate, and I told him that on Saturday night. There is no one else I want to spend the rest of my life with. There's no one I would rather have to travel with, to read with, to sleep next to, to be happy with.
That one rough patch has made us stronger and more understanding to each other. And that's what rough patches are for. It's not an excuse to give up, but to work it through with love until it is resolved.
I really am the luckiest.
Thursday, August 2, 2012
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
road triping love
The beloved and I went on a most wonderful road trip! We left on a Friday afternoon and headed up to the North Rim of the Grand Canyon. It was beautiful! We didn't go into the actual park that night, but instead, drove to the rim and set up camp. Our campsite was perfect and we were right on the edge of beauty. It was breathtaking. We got to see the most amazing sunset I have ever seen. Bright, bright pinks, purples, blue... it was incredible. Something I will always remember. Being there with the beloved and experience that sight was lovely. We both stood on the rim, his arm over my shoulder, my arm around his waist, and we just stood there, taking in all the beauty and love.
We woke up early the following day and drove to the actual North Rim park, where we did some walking around to the different points of interests and saw difference sides of the canyon. It is so very different than the South Rim. The North is filled with trees and green, while the South is filled with mostly just rock. There's nature of course, but there isn't a lot. On our way out of the park, we stopped on the side of the road to check out some BEEFALO that just appeared out of the forest and was feasting on the grass meadow. There were probably a hundred of them or so. It was an incredible site to be had! I guess it was an experiment to put cow and buffalo together, and then this heard ran away. They've multiplied over the years, which is causing some problems for the Park, but they were beautiful!
We drove to Bryce that day and hiked the entire rim of Bryce (about 3 miles or so) and took pictures in every locations. It reminded me a lot like the underwater castles and community in the Little Mermaid. The colours were bright and magnificent. I stood there wondering how nature did this (if nature did this) and why this is the only place where it happened? Once we hiked the rim, we decided to find camp for the night. It took us awhile, but we found a spot near a running stream, which we so pleasantly fell asleep too. Woke up early the next morning, packed up camp, and went back to Bryce. We hiked the Navajo Trail early morning, before the heat could make rocks and canyon blazing hot. It was a great hike. We saw a lot of things and it was so nice to go down and be in the middle of Triton's kingdom! After the hike, we headed towards North Zion, with stops in Cedar Breaks and Brian Head to take some pictures and view all we could. Luckily, the driving hadn't been too long. So far, the longest drive we'd had was from Flagstaff to North Rim at 6 hours.
We arrive in North Zion and stop in viewing areas so we could enjoy the scenery. North Zion was so beautiful. The walls are huge! The colours bright! The whole thing made my mouth drop open. On our way to Kolob reservoir to find camp for the night, we pulled out a look out station to eat some food (We ate like a king and queen this entire trip! I made some delicious veggie and hummus and turkey wraps, a pasta dish to be served cold... we had lots of snacks like chips, cookies, turkey jerky, fruit, etc. which is probably why we didn't smell at all the entire trip. We weren't eating processed, shitty, fast food. We did a lot of hiking, a lot of sleeping on the ground, and a lot of sweating... and we didn't smell at all!). As we were sitting there, we saw a fire erupt from the area of Bryce Canyon. It went from being really small to being rather large in a matter of 15 minutes. It was horrifying! We were JUST there. It was windy, and it just kept getting bigger. We left and headed to camp. We set up camp by the reservoir. It was freezing... I don't think I slept much that night. But, it was beautiful with the moon shining over it.
The next day we packed up and headed towards South Zion. Our plan was to get there as early as possible and start hiking. Which we did. We arrived around 7 and got on a shuttle and started our way through Zion. The first hike I wanted to do ended up being closed so we didn't get to do the full 5 mile hike. So we headed to another hike called Weeping Rock, which was beautiful but packed with kids. So then we started hiking towards the Narrows. It was a pretty basic, paved path. Once you get to the end, you could continue through water to the Narrows or you could turn around. Never been, so we decided to walk until the water was reaching peoples waists. It was beautiful. Hiking in the water with the huge walls towering over us. God, there are no words to describe such beauty! We stopped to eat a little snack before heading back and planted our butts on a rock and our feet in the water.
After we returned to the car, we ate some lunch and then headed into Nevada to find camp. It took us awhile to find camp, but once we did, we set up camp and promptly went to sleep. Woke up early the next morning and started driving to Carson City where my family is. It took us the entire day to get there since we decided to take scenic routes instead of main highways. But it was nice to arrive and to finally take a shower after 4 days! And of course to see my family! We were pretty beat, so it was a mellow night. Although, we all did end up talking till 11 at night.
The next morning, we woke up early to go fishing with my aunt and uncle. It was a lot of fun! between all of us, we caught about 6 fish. I helped reel some in and I practiced more of my fly fishing skills. I decided I needed my own pole. I am really good, and it's do funny that the beloved says "beautiful cast" when I throw a good cast. He's so lovely! He always stands behind me and gives me helpful tips and puts his hand on my lower back. And it's so fun to see him fish! He has such a grace about it and he just fits right into the scenery. It was 4th of July, so we went over to my aunt and uncles house to BBQ. the beloved was giving my uncle a tutorial on how we do chicken here in Flagstaff. They had bonding man time (my uncle is pretty much my dad. Only male figure in my life that's stuck around and loves me unconditionally), while my grandma, aunt, and myself sat around talking. It was a lot of fun. When we were done BBQing, we went back to grandma's house where my other aunt came and ate some food. We sat around the table for hours just talking and enjoying good food. The Beloved and I work really well together in the kitchen and it's something we really love doing, so it's fun.
The following morning we woke early to head to Tahoe to take in some hikes. We did Eagles Lake which was a steep hike, but the payoff of the lake was perfect. And, luckily, we were pretty much the only ones on the trail. On our way down, the crowds started, so I was glad we went early. We went down to Volkinsholm which is an old home built right on the beach in Emerald Bay. We took a tour and we enjoyed lunch by the water. Once we were done, we went and saw a movie, "Moonrise Kingdom" which was so good and so cute. The kids are the highlight in that movie.
Friday we hung out with my grandma for awhile and then headed to Truckee to go and see Jackie Greene! It was a great show and it was perfect out! We were all tired, and the beloved and I had to wake up early to start our way back to Flagstaff. But once you see a live concert, you have so much energy in you! It's great! Saturday we started our way back to Flagstaff.
We did stop in Yosemite, but didn't go all the way through. Didn't have time for it, but it was pretty what we did see. I ended up experiencing a dizzy spell while I was driving down the steep, narrow hill, so I had beloved drive until I was feeling better. We didn't take any major highways till we hit Vegas, so it was a loooooong drive.
Once we got to Vegas, it didn't take us that long to get back. Now that they've built the bridge over the dam, it cuts your time in about 45 minutes. It felt good to be home. We went and had thai food, unpacked the car, took showers, and promptly went to bed. We both slept a good 13-15 hours. Luckily we had Sunday to still relax and take it easy, and go to the grocery and take an easy day.
It was my first over road trip, same with the beloved, and our first huge road trip together. It was a BLAST! We never fought (I did snap once when I had low blood sugar), but luckily, it was soon over and we were back at it. I don't like to talk in cars... I would much rather take in the scenery and listen to really loud music, which was perfect. The beloved has a RIDICULOUS amount of music, so we never heard the same thing twice. We sang loudly, we danced, we sprayed each other with water bottles when we got too hot. It was an incredible experience and I can't wait to do it again.
It was love. With all the places we went, the people we hung out with, and with each other. I am very lucky.
We woke up early the following day and drove to the actual North Rim park, where we did some walking around to the different points of interests and saw difference sides of the canyon. It is so very different than the South Rim. The North is filled with trees and green, while the South is filled with mostly just rock. There's nature of course, but there isn't a lot. On our way out of the park, we stopped on the side of the road to check out some BEEFALO that just appeared out of the forest and was feasting on the grass meadow. There were probably a hundred of them or so. It was an incredible site to be had! I guess it was an experiment to put cow and buffalo together, and then this heard ran away. They've multiplied over the years, which is causing some problems for the Park, but they were beautiful!
We drove to Bryce that day and hiked the entire rim of Bryce (about 3 miles or so) and took pictures in every locations. It reminded me a lot like the underwater castles and community in the Little Mermaid. The colours were bright and magnificent. I stood there wondering how nature did this (if nature did this) and why this is the only place where it happened? Once we hiked the rim, we decided to find camp for the night. It took us awhile, but we found a spot near a running stream, which we so pleasantly fell asleep too. Woke up early the next morning, packed up camp, and went back to Bryce. We hiked the Navajo Trail early morning, before the heat could make rocks and canyon blazing hot. It was a great hike. We saw a lot of things and it was so nice to go down and be in the middle of Triton's kingdom! After the hike, we headed towards North Zion, with stops in Cedar Breaks and Brian Head to take some pictures and view all we could. Luckily, the driving hadn't been too long. So far, the longest drive we'd had was from Flagstaff to North Rim at 6 hours.
We arrive in North Zion and stop in viewing areas so we could enjoy the scenery. North Zion was so beautiful. The walls are huge! The colours bright! The whole thing made my mouth drop open. On our way to Kolob reservoir to find camp for the night, we pulled out a look out station to eat some food (We ate like a king and queen this entire trip! I made some delicious veggie and hummus and turkey wraps, a pasta dish to be served cold... we had lots of snacks like chips, cookies, turkey jerky, fruit, etc. which is probably why we didn't smell at all the entire trip. We weren't eating processed, shitty, fast food. We did a lot of hiking, a lot of sleeping on the ground, and a lot of sweating... and we didn't smell at all!). As we were sitting there, we saw a fire erupt from the area of Bryce Canyon. It went from being really small to being rather large in a matter of 15 minutes. It was horrifying! We were JUST there. It was windy, and it just kept getting bigger. We left and headed to camp. We set up camp by the reservoir. It was freezing... I don't think I slept much that night. But, it was beautiful with the moon shining over it.
The next day we packed up and headed towards South Zion. Our plan was to get there as early as possible and start hiking. Which we did. We arrived around 7 and got on a shuttle and started our way through Zion. The first hike I wanted to do ended up being closed so we didn't get to do the full 5 mile hike. So we headed to another hike called Weeping Rock, which was beautiful but packed with kids. So then we started hiking towards the Narrows. It was a pretty basic, paved path. Once you get to the end, you could continue through water to the Narrows or you could turn around. Never been, so we decided to walk until the water was reaching peoples waists. It was beautiful. Hiking in the water with the huge walls towering over us. God, there are no words to describe such beauty! We stopped to eat a little snack before heading back and planted our butts on a rock and our feet in the water.
After we returned to the car, we ate some lunch and then headed into Nevada to find camp. It took us awhile to find camp, but once we did, we set up camp and promptly went to sleep. Woke up early the next morning and started driving to Carson City where my family is. It took us the entire day to get there since we decided to take scenic routes instead of main highways. But it was nice to arrive and to finally take a shower after 4 days! And of course to see my family! We were pretty beat, so it was a mellow night. Although, we all did end up talking till 11 at night.
The next morning, we woke up early to go fishing with my aunt and uncle. It was a lot of fun! between all of us, we caught about 6 fish. I helped reel some in and I practiced more of my fly fishing skills. I decided I needed my own pole. I am really good, and it's do funny that the beloved says "beautiful cast" when I throw a good cast. He's so lovely! He always stands behind me and gives me helpful tips and puts his hand on my lower back. And it's so fun to see him fish! He has such a grace about it and he just fits right into the scenery. It was 4th of July, so we went over to my aunt and uncles house to BBQ. the beloved was giving my uncle a tutorial on how we do chicken here in Flagstaff. They had bonding man time (my uncle is pretty much my dad. Only male figure in my life that's stuck around and loves me unconditionally), while my grandma, aunt, and myself sat around talking. It was a lot of fun. When we were done BBQing, we went back to grandma's house where my other aunt came and ate some food. We sat around the table for hours just talking and enjoying good food. The Beloved and I work really well together in the kitchen and it's something we really love doing, so it's fun.
The following morning we woke early to head to Tahoe to take in some hikes. We did Eagles Lake which was a steep hike, but the payoff of the lake was perfect. And, luckily, we were pretty much the only ones on the trail. On our way down, the crowds started, so I was glad we went early. We went down to Volkinsholm which is an old home built right on the beach in Emerald Bay. We took a tour and we enjoyed lunch by the water. Once we were done, we went and saw a movie, "Moonrise Kingdom" which was so good and so cute. The kids are the highlight in that movie.
Friday we hung out with my grandma for awhile and then headed to Truckee to go and see Jackie Greene! It was a great show and it was perfect out! We were all tired, and the beloved and I had to wake up early to start our way back to Flagstaff. But once you see a live concert, you have so much energy in you! It's great! Saturday we started our way back to Flagstaff.
We did stop in Yosemite, but didn't go all the way through. Didn't have time for it, but it was pretty what we did see. I ended up experiencing a dizzy spell while I was driving down the steep, narrow hill, so I had beloved drive until I was feeling better. We didn't take any major highways till we hit Vegas, so it was a loooooong drive.
Once we got to Vegas, it didn't take us that long to get back. Now that they've built the bridge over the dam, it cuts your time in about 45 minutes. It felt good to be home. We went and had thai food, unpacked the car, took showers, and promptly went to bed. We both slept a good 13-15 hours. Luckily we had Sunday to still relax and take it easy, and go to the grocery and take an easy day.
It was my first over road trip, same with the beloved, and our first huge road trip together. It was a BLAST! We never fought (I did snap once when I had low blood sugar), but luckily, it was soon over and we were back at it. I don't like to talk in cars... I would much rather take in the scenery and listen to really loud music, which was perfect. The beloved has a RIDICULOUS amount of music, so we never heard the same thing twice. We sang loudly, we danced, we sprayed each other with water bottles when we got too hot. It was an incredible experience and I can't wait to do it again.
It was love. With all the places we went, the people we hung out with, and with each other. I am very lucky.
Thursday, June 28, 2012
I'll run away with you...
The past month has been a test on my being. Let me explain.
Three years ago, I had a root canal done on one of my back teeth. The dentist I went to said he was the best in his class at root canals, so I thought I was in good hands. The root canal happened and it didn't hurt too bad and I thought that was that. HOWEVER, it was still hurting; I had this dull achey pain in my tooth and it only felt better when I stuck my nail inbetween the teeth to alleviate the pressure. I went into his office a lot... And every time it was considered an "emergency visit" which essentially eats up your insurance. He also gave me a filling in a tooth that didn't need a filling saying that was the cause of it. We took x-rays, we did hot/cold tests, he made me bite hard on things... It was a huge ordeal. And then I just stopped going because I was starting to feel like I was C-RAZY!
With my new job, I finally got health and dental insurance. So I went to a new dentist. The first day I went in there he took awesome 3-D x-ray's of my mouth and when I told him I had been having a problem with this one tooth for three years, he looked at the tooth on the x-ray and IMMEDIATELY said it was because there was a missed canal. SEE! I WASN'T CRAZY AFTER ALL! So, I went and saw a specialist, who I adore and trust. We scheduled to have the retreatment done. Caution, it's about to get gross. When my appointment finally came around, he opened the tooth and it was entirely black with bacteria and infection. BLACK! AS MIDNIGHT! are his exact words. I was MORTIFIED. Cause, ew... that is gross! and, who knows how my body has been compensating for trying to fight it off for three years. He cleaned it all up, removed the shitty filling material the old doctor used, got the missed canal all sparkley.
I had to be on one antibiotic before the procedure. Once I was done with the procedure, he gave me ANOTHER antibiotic because the infection was so bad. I felt fine Friday and Saturday, but Sunday it started to hurt really bad. By Monday, I thought my tooth was going to EXPLODE from my GUMS. The pressure was intense. I went into the doctor and started crying cause it HURT SO DAMN BAD. He put me on ANOTHER antibiotic. He warned me that retreatments sucked, and with the extent of infection and bacteria in my tooth, he knew it was going to be bad. I left work early that Monday and went home. I took the antibiotics, a pain killer, and a pill to help with the nauseau. I fell asleep for a few hours, but as soon as I woke up, I puked for five hours straight.
My and the toilet were BFFs just then. I couldn't even keep down my saliva. I could taste the pills on my mouth, which just made me even more sick. Chris came into the bathroom after me being in there for 20 minutes and I was laying on the floor, crying, exhausted, and still in a ridiculous amount of pain. I almost made him take me to the emergency room cause it felt just so horrible. I was freaking out cause I couldn't hydrate myself... it's a scary feeling. Turns out I am allergic to hydrocodone... awesome way of finding out! I took Tuesday and Wednesday off to recooperate and try and build back my strength. i was going to sleep at 7-7.30 and waking up around 7-7.30 in the morning. My whole body was weak and achey. My brain hurt. I worked all of Thursday and Friday, but everyone left me alone because as my boss said, "you look like death!"
That next week, I felt 100% better. I rode my bike, which was probably a little too ambitious, but I rode it the entire week and the only time it really sucked was that first day. I went back this week and everything was clean and perfect! He finished the rest of the root canal by filling the canals and giving me a temporary. Now I just need a crown, which is scheduled at the beginning of August. Whew!
Now, I am getting ready to take my first ever road trip. And a first road trip with the beloved! We are leaving tomorrow afternoon and heading up to the North Rim for a night. We will stay there, catch the sunset, maybe do some hiking around and go to sleep. Saturday morning we'll wake up and head to Bryce Canyon for a night or two, and then head to Zion NP for another night or two. It's gonna be hot... I know this. We are doing this in the MIDDLE of summer, but I think it will be fun. We'll be stinky, and sweaty, and Alice (my car) doesn't have air conditioning, so it will be a full on hot sweaty party! Once we are done with Zion, depending on how we feel, we might drive straight to Carson City/Lake Tahoe to spend a few nights with my family. If we don't feel like driving 9 hours straight, we'll head to Yosemite for a night and then mozy up to Carson City the next morning. Yosemite is only about 2 hours away from Carson, so it might be a nice break.
We plan on stopping a lot, stretching out legs, hiking, swimming (hopefully in Zion, or at least getting our feet wet), reading, and enjoying the outdoors. I want to take a lot of pictures of this trip. I have never seen any of these places before (minus Carson/Tahoe) so I want to document everything! Scenery, the two of us, us seperately... We are bringing my mini professional camera, and the beloveds major professional camera. I am really looking forward to it.
Tonight we are going grocery shopping and prepping food. We'll work a half day tomorrow, but hopefully be out of here by 11 or 12! And then our epic road trip begins!
I went to a sporting store yesterday to buy a full protection hat, and I also bought those athletic skirts that have shorts underneath them and are quick dry. I tried on two sizes, a 10 and a 12. I fit into BOTH! The 10 fit great, however, I picked the bigger size just for comfort and sitting in a car. But maybe after this trip I can go and get that 10. I don't really see the weight loss anymore (have the fat girl mentality), but it's awesome to know that I can wear a medium in a shirt and can buy size 10 pants, which has never happened... or at least, not in the past 10 years. This is the smallest I have been since middle school. It feels great! And when I tell people I have lost 40 pounds, I always get high-fives, like I did yesterday at the sporting goods store.
Will share our adventures when we return on the 9th. :)
Three years ago, I had a root canal done on one of my back teeth. The dentist I went to said he was the best in his class at root canals, so I thought I was in good hands. The root canal happened and it didn't hurt too bad and I thought that was that. HOWEVER, it was still hurting; I had this dull achey pain in my tooth and it only felt better when I stuck my nail inbetween the teeth to alleviate the pressure. I went into his office a lot... And every time it was considered an "emergency visit" which essentially eats up your insurance. He also gave me a filling in a tooth that didn't need a filling saying that was the cause of it. We took x-rays, we did hot/cold tests, he made me bite hard on things... It was a huge ordeal. And then I just stopped going because I was starting to feel like I was C-RAZY!
With my new job, I finally got health and dental insurance. So I went to a new dentist. The first day I went in there he took awesome 3-D x-ray's of my mouth and when I told him I had been having a problem with this one tooth for three years, he looked at the tooth on the x-ray and IMMEDIATELY said it was because there was a missed canal. SEE! I WASN'T CRAZY AFTER ALL! So, I went and saw a specialist, who I adore and trust. We scheduled to have the retreatment done. Caution, it's about to get gross. When my appointment finally came around, he opened the tooth and it was entirely black with bacteria and infection. BLACK! AS MIDNIGHT! are his exact words. I was MORTIFIED. Cause, ew... that is gross! and, who knows how my body has been compensating for trying to fight it off for three years. He cleaned it all up, removed the shitty filling material the old doctor used, got the missed canal all sparkley.
I had to be on one antibiotic before the procedure. Once I was done with the procedure, he gave me ANOTHER antibiotic because the infection was so bad. I felt fine Friday and Saturday, but Sunday it started to hurt really bad. By Monday, I thought my tooth was going to EXPLODE from my GUMS. The pressure was intense. I went into the doctor and started crying cause it HURT SO DAMN BAD. He put me on ANOTHER antibiotic. He warned me that retreatments sucked, and with the extent of infection and bacteria in my tooth, he knew it was going to be bad. I left work early that Monday and went home. I took the antibiotics, a pain killer, and a pill to help with the nauseau. I fell asleep for a few hours, but as soon as I woke up, I puked for five hours straight.
My and the toilet were BFFs just then. I couldn't even keep down my saliva. I could taste the pills on my mouth, which just made me even more sick. Chris came into the bathroom after me being in there for 20 minutes and I was laying on the floor, crying, exhausted, and still in a ridiculous amount of pain. I almost made him take me to the emergency room cause it felt just so horrible. I was freaking out cause I couldn't hydrate myself... it's a scary feeling. Turns out I am allergic to hydrocodone... awesome way of finding out! I took Tuesday and Wednesday off to recooperate and try and build back my strength. i was going to sleep at 7-7.30 and waking up around 7-7.30 in the morning. My whole body was weak and achey. My brain hurt. I worked all of Thursday and Friday, but everyone left me alone because as my boss said, "you look like death!"
That next week, I felt 100% better. I rode my bike, which was probably a little too ambitious, but I rode it the entire week and the only time it really sucked was that first day. I went back this week and everything was clean and perfect! He finished the rest of the root canal by filling the canals and giving me a temporary. Now I just need a crown, which is scheduled at the beginning of August. Whew!
Now, I am getting ready to take my first ever road trip. And a first road trip with the beloved! We are leaving tomorrow afternoon and heading up to the North Rim for a night. We will stay there, catch the sunset, maybe do some hiking around and go to sleep. Saturday morning we'll wake up and head to Bryce Canyon for a night or two, and then head to Zion NP for another night or two. It's gonna be hot... I know this. We are doing this in the MIDDLE of summer, but I think it will be fun. We'll be stinky, and sweaty, and Alice (my car) doesn't have air conditioning, so it will be a full on hot sweaty party! Once we are done with Zion, depending on how we feel, we might drive straight to Carson City/Lake Tahoe to spend a few nights with my family. If we don't feel like driving 9 hours straight, we'll head to Yosemite for a night and then mozy up to Carson City the next morning. Yosemite is only about 2 hours away from Carson, so it might be a nice break.
We plan on stopping a lot, stretching out legs, hiking, swimming (hopefully in Zion, or at least getting our feet wet), reading, and enjoying the outdoors. I want to take a lot of pictures of this trip. I have never seen any of these places before (minus Carson/Tahoe) so I want to document everything! Scenery, the two of us, us seperately... We are bringing my mini professional camera, and the beloveds major professional camera. I am really looking forward to it.
Tonight we are going grocery shopping and prepping food. We'll work a half day tomorrow, but hopefully be out of here by 11 or 12! And then our epic road trip begins!
I went to a sporting store yesterday to buy a full protection hat, and I also bought those athletic skirts that have shorts underneath them and are quick dry. I tried on two sizes, a 10 and a 12. I fit into BOTH! The 10 fit great, however, I picked the bigger size just for comfort and sitting in a car. But maybe after this trip I can go and get that 10. I don't really see the weight loss anymore (have the fat girl mentality), but it's awesome to know that I can wear a medium in a shirt and can buy size 10 pants, which has never happened... or at least, not in the past 10 years. This is the smallest I have been since middle school. It feels great! And when I tell people I have lost 40 pounds, I always get high-fives, like I did yesterday at the sporting goods store.
Will share our adventures when we return on the 9th. :)
Saturday, June 9, 2012
I may have lost 40 lbs., but...
that doesn't mean I am in shape! I have lost 40 pounds since I graduated last year from my Graduate program. 40 POUNDS! That's like a 3rd grader! I can kind of see the weight gone (I am always gonna have fat-girl mentality, probably). My boobs shrank, my waist shrank, but you know, I am not exactly ripped and cellulite free. nevertheless, this is the time to now start toning and making it even more noticeable. I want to lose another 10-20 pounds. That would put me between 144-154. Which, would be the smallest I can remember being ever.
I have always been a big girl. I got my great grandma's German, childbearing hips. It took me a long time to be ok with these hips of mine. I like them even more now because there isn't 6 inches of fat around them. More like 2.5 inches, which isn't soo bad, but still not the way I want it to be. I am 5'10". I have always been big boned (literally, my bone mass is crazy insane). I have always been over weight and went through every eating disorder you can think of when I was in high school/college.
I bought a bike a week ago, and it is my goal for the rest of the summer/fall/until it snows to ride my bike to and from work every day. If I have an appointment, I will leave work an extra 15 minute early and ride home to get my car. We have a huge, giant, apeshit crazy hill to defeat every morning when we head to work. The first day I rode to work, I stopped three times and had to walk cause I thought my heart was going to explode from my chest (like I said, it's easier losing the weight, but it doesn't mean you're in shape.) Wednesday when I rode into work, I only stopped once, for maybe 1 minute, and then I made that hill my bitch. And it was my bitch. And while it was hard, a mind-fuck, and extremely exhausting, I freaking fist pumped myself when I got done with it. I fucking killed that hill! It felt so wonderful. we have some hills on the way home too (hello flagstaff), and I didn't stop at all when I went up those hills, which I usually do (3-4 times). Each day I ride my bike I feel better. It get's better, and I will tone these wobbly thunder thighs in no time. And, I will continue to lose weight and eat the way I eat.
I have been trying to eliminate gluten entirely. The only type of gluten I currently consume flour tortillas. Gluten-free tortillas, or at least the ones I have had, taste HORRIBLE. I eat corn tortillas, sure, but when you are having fajitas, you just gotta have a nice warm flour tortilla. I just made some 100% organic, vegan, and gluten-free pumpkin bread. With no sugar! Yeah, no sugar, and it tastes freakin' amazing. I made banana bread last weekend and I couldn't eat it because it made me feel so gross. At least I am starting to pay more attention to my body and what it does and does not like. Food is an important thing for me. For everyone. And changing my diet to 100% organic, cutting out gluten, and processed foods has made a difference. Of course I go out to eat once a week (Thai food every Sunday), but that's once a week. And it's Thai food--somewhat healthy Thai food. Even though I don't know where the food is coming from or what type it is (most likely not organic), allowing myself that one indulgence a week isn't gonna kill me. I have been eating all organic for almost a year now. I cut out 90% of gluten in November last year, so I am still not a year nor am I 100%. But, hey, it's a start. I also realize that I don't crave sugar anymore. Or coffee. Sure, I will have a piece of chocolate (usually dark), but I don't feel the need to eat it all the time. Same with coffee. I drink a glass of tea on the weekdays and usually two or three during the weekend. Depending on if I get to lounge around or go digging in the garden (no one likes to drink hot tea when it's hot outside and you're raising your body temperature).
Now that we have a huge veggie garden, I am really excited to be able to eat out of that soon. Our lettuces are already ready to be picked and consumed! We have: Red onions, white onions, green onions, beets, broccoli, kale, cabbage, chard, three types of lettuce, spinach, burgundy beans, carrots, cauliflower, pumpkin, winter squash, another type of squash, zucchini, two types of cucumbers, five different types of tomatoes, basil, marigold... That's a slot of stuff. I still haven't planted all the seeds I have (corn, sugar snap peas, fennel, etc. etc.).
I have spent a lot of time in my garden. I talk to it on a regular basis. And it's just so awesome. Next, when we get chickens, it will be nice to always have fresh eggs available. AND VEGETABLES! We're gonna be self-sustaining here soon! It's awesome! And it's all organic, all local, and all right in my backyard.
God, I love having a house. And being able to do this all by myself and get that much more excited and credit for it all. Sure, you can hire a landscaper, but hell, that's no fun! Fruits of my labour right in my back yard. Literally!
I have always been a big girl. I got my great grandma's German, childbearing hips. It took me a long time to be ok with these hips of mine. I like them even more now because there isn't 6 inches of fat around them. More like 2.5 inches, which isn't soo bad, but still not the way I want it to be. I am 5'10". I have always been big boned (literally, my bone mass is crazy insane). I have always been over weight and went through every eating disorder you can think of when I was in high school/college.
I bought a bike a week ago, and it is my goal for the rest of the summer/fall/until it snows to ride my bike to and from work every day. If I have an appointment, I will leave work an extra 15 minute early and ride home to get my car. We have a huge, giant, apeshit crazy hill to defeat every morning when we head to work. The first day I rode to work, I stopped three times and had to walk cause I thought my heart was going to explode from my chest (like I said, it's easier losing the weight, but it doesn't mean you're in shape.) Wednesday when I rode into work, I only stopped once, for maybe 1 minute, and then I made that hill my bitch. And it was my bitch. And while it was hard, a mind-fuck, and extremely exhausting, I freaking fist pumped myself when I got done with it. I fucking killed that hill! It felt so wonderful. we have some hills on the way home too (hello flagstaff), and I didn't stop at all when I went up those hills, which I usually do (3-4 times). Each day I ride my bike I feel better. It get's better, and I will tone these wobbly thunder thighs in no time. And, I will continue to lose weight and eat the way I eat.
I have been trying to eliminate gluten entirely. The only type of gluten I currently consume flour tortillas. Gluten-free tortillas, or at least the ones I have had, taste HORRIBLE. I eat corn tortillas, sure, but when you are having fajitas, you just gotta have a nice warm flour tortilla. I just made some 100% organic, vegan, and gluten-free pumpkin bread. With no sugar! Yeah, no sugar, and it tastes freakin' amazing. I made banana bread last weekend and I couldn't eat it because it made me feel so gross. At least I am starting to pay more attention to my body and what it does and does not like. Food is an important thing for me. For everyone. And changing my diet to 100% organic, cutting out gluten, and processed foods has made a difference. Of course I go out to eat once a week (Thai food every Sunday), but that's once a week. And it's Thai food--somewhat healthy Thai food. Even though I don't know where the food is coming from or what type it is (most likely not organic), allowing myself that one indulgence a week isn't gonna kill me. I have been eating all organic for almost a year now. I cut out 90% of gluten in November last year, so I am still not a year nor am I 100%. But, hey, it's a start. I also realize that I don't crave sugar anymore. Or coffee. Sure, I will have a piece of chocolate (usually dark), but I don't feel the need to eat it all the time. Same with coffee. I drink a glass of tea on the weekdays and usually two or three during the weekend. Depending on if I get to lounge around or go digging in the garden (no one likes to drink hot tea when it's hot outside and you're raising your body temperature).
Now that we have a huge veggie garden, I am really excited to be able to eat out of that soon. Our lettuces are already ready to be picked and consumed! We have: Red onions, white onions, green onions, beets, broccoli, kale, cabbage, chard, three types of lettuce, spinach, burgundy beans, carrots, cauliflower, pumpkin, winter squash, another type of squash, zucchini, two types of cucumbers, five different types of tomatoes, basil, marigold... That's a slot of stuff. I still haven't planted all the seeds I have (corn, sugar snap peas, fennel, etc. etc.).
I have spent a lot of time in my garden. I talk to it on a regular basis. And it's just so awesome. Next, when we get chickens, it will be nice to always have fresh eggs available. AND VEGETABLES! We're gonna be self-sustaining here soon! It's awesome! And it's all organic, all local, and all right in my backyard.
God, I love having a house. And being able to do this all by myself and get that much more excited and credit for it all. Sure, you can hire a landscaper, but hell, that's no fun! Fruits of my labour right in my back yard. Literally!
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
Venus retrograde... you are trying me
A quote from a friend that explains my emotions/current situation/and my sigh of relief:
" Venus is retrograde. It's the time for things in relationships to come up, be dealt with, and cleared out. It's the time for surprises in lots of areas to arise. These retrogrades build character and patience, and help us to be open to change with open hearts. They help us to be unjudgemental because they throw barriers to build our soul capacity, awareness, and humbleness. So it makes sense that it's been a hard two weeks. We either have to evolve or devolve, to choose love or choose negative emotions, regardless of what these times throw at us. These are the universal lessons for the planet."
Being sensitive and open to the universe and all it has to bring, I have felt this for the past two weeks. The past two weeks have been HARD for me. I have been struggling with a variety of things. It's been hard getting back into my cheery Kyrie (as I am called at work) self.
I have the five agreements on my desk. I read them many times a day. I soak them in many times a day. They are:
1. Be impeccable with your word.
2. Don't take anything personally.
3. Don't make assumptions.
4. Always do your best.
5. Be skeptical, but listen.
I have to admit, 2 and 3 are the most difficult for me. Granted, I have improved a lot in the past two years. I took time to really look at myself, work on myself, and figure out what I want. Talking about relationships with the beloved the other day, and I said, "The last time I got dumped, I took a month making bubble charts of what I wanted in a partner/relationship and what I didn't want in a partner/relationship" and it helped. I found my partner, the one I plan on spending a really long time with. It worked. I put it out to the universe, I was impeccable about it. It's hard for people to find relationships when they are giving the universe mixed emotions/words/feelings. A friend (the one who sparked the conversation about relationships) is the perfect example. He claims he wants a relationship, yet he goes out of his way to find the most unattainable female. Whether it's them not wanting a relationship, being gay, being immature, being 6 years his junior... He may say he wants a relationship, but he isn't trying very hard. One night stands will do for him currently. How is that not confusing the universe? I am a firm believer that we get what we ask, even if we don't intentionally ask for it. Our actions, our responses... that is what the universe takes in. That's what the universe delivers.
Anyway, in May the beloved and I went to California to celebrate his Grandfathers life. I had never been to Davis, so I was really excited. I was even more excited to meet his mom and his family. They were all so lovely! I had many a good conversations with his mom and we even shared in a huge dance party for her birthday! His aunt and cousins were lovely; M is like the little sister I never had and enjoyed her immensely. Grandma was a hoot as well.
The five day holiday was filled with lots of love, great food, great conversation, and beauty. It was a lovely way to spend a holiday. The beloved and I cooked/baked for the celebration of life ceremony. Making four different types of chilli's, three different fruit tortes, deviled eggs, mango salsa, guac... it was a feast! And it was all organic and mostly gluten and dairy free.
While we were there, we celebrated my birthday with a trip to the Davis Arboretum and spending time in the pool. And of course, the full solar eclipse! It was a lovely time. I am looking forward to spending more time with the other side of the family. I will never forget the beloveds mom saying, "I took you for the quiet librarian/writer type" and her face upon meeting extroverted, loud, happy me. :) Impressions are great.
Since I have been back I have been working in the garden. We have all our beds filled, filled, filled! We can even eat our lettuces now! My daisies have yet to bloom, but they are big and strong. We ate some of our tomatoes the other weekend, and they were delicious. I am so proud to have been able to have food in my own backyard. I can't wait till we get chickens and we have fresh eggs all the time!
I bought a new bike. It's red, it's a three-speed, it has a basket, it's amazing. I am going to ride it all summer long.
Back to the Universe... It has a funny way of waking you up and making you realize that there are things you are currently doing that are detrimental to your being, your soul. The Universe is teaching me this currently at the moment. Needing to take time for me. Work in my garden. Go swimming. Have girl time... It's a good lesson, one that I have put in the back of my mind. One that is not placed in the front of my mind.
" Venus is retrograde. It's the time for things in relationships to come up, be dealt with, and cleared out. It's the time for surprises in lots of areas to arise. These retrogrades build character and patience, and help us to be open to change with open hearts. They help us to be unjudgemental because they throw barriers to build our soul capacity, awareness, and humbleness. So it makes sense that it's been a hard two weeks. We either have to evolve or devolve, to choose love or choose negative emotions, regardless of what these times throw at us. These are the universal lessons for the planet."
Being sensitive and open to the universe and all it has to bring, I have felt this for the past two weeks. The past two weeks have been HARD for me. I have been struggling with a variety of things. It's been hard getting back into my cheery Kyrie (as I am called at work) self.
I have the five agreements on my desk. I read them many times a day. I soak them in many times a day. They are:
1. Be impeccable with your word.
2. Don't take anything personally.
3. Don't make assumptions.
4. Always do your best.
5. Be skeptical, but listen.
I have to admit, 2 and 3 are the most difficult for me. Granted, I have improved a lot in the past two years. I took time to really look at myself, work on myself, and figure out what I want. Talking about relationships with the beloved the other day, and I said, "The last time I got dumped, I took a month making bubble charts of what I wanted in a partner/relationship and what I didn't want in a partner/relationship" and it helped. I found my partner, the one I plan on spending a really long time with. It worked. I put it out to the universe, I was impeccable about it. It's hard for people to find relationships when they are giving the universe mixed emotions/words/feelings. A friend (the one who sparked the conversation about relationships) is the perfect example. He claims he wants a relationship, yet he goes out of his way to find the most unattainable female. Whether it's them not wanting a relationship, being gay, being immature, being 6 years his junior... He may say he wants a relationship, but he isn't trying very hard. One night stands will do for him currently. How is that not confusing the universe? I am a firm believer that we get what we ask, even if we don't intentionally ask for it. Our actions, our responses... that is what the universe takes in. That's what the universe delivers.
Anyway, in May the beloved and I went to California to celebrate his Grandfathers life. I had never been to Davis, so I was really excited. I was even more excited to meet his mom and his family. They were all so lovely! I had many a good conversations with his mom and we even shared in a huge dance party for her birthday! His aunt and cousins were lovely; M is like the little sister I never had and enjoyed her immensely. Grandma was a hoot as well.
The five day holiday was filled with lots of love, great food, great conversation, and beauty. It was a lovely way to spend a holiday. The beloved and I cooked/baked for the celebration of life ceremony. Making four different types of chilli's, three different fruit tortes, deviled eggs, mango salsa, guac... it was a feast! And it was all organic and mostly gluten and dairy free.
While we were there, we celebrated my birthday with a trip to the Davis Arboretum and spending time in the pool. And of course, the full solar eclipse! It was a lovely time. I am looking forward to spending more time with the other side of the family. I will never forget the beloveds mom saying, "I took you for the quiet librarian/writer type" and her face upon meeting extroverted, loud, happy me. :) Impressions are great.
Since I have been back I have been working in the garden. We have all our beds filled, filled, filled! We can even eat our lettuces now! My daisies have yet to bloom, but they are big and strong. We ate some of our tomatoes the other weekend, and they were delicious. I am so proud to have been able to have food in my own backyard. I can't wait till we get chickens and we have fresh eggs all the time!
I bought a new bike. It's red, it's a three-speed, it has a basket, it's amazing. I am going to ride it all summer long.
Back to the Universe... It has a funny way of waking you up and making you realize that there are things you are currently doing that are detrimental to your being, your soul. The Universe is teaching me this currently at the moment. Needing to take time for me. Work in my garden. Go swimming. Have girl time... It's a good lesson, one that I have put in the back of my mind. One that is not placed in the front of my mind.
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
What just happened?
I really don't know what just happened! I don't remember Coachella all that well. No, not because I got wasted or did drugs, but because it was just a whirlwind trip that it's hard for me to remember everything. I do remember seeing amazing music and dancing and having the time of my life with the beloved. We stuck together the entire weekend, danced, sat down and cuddled in the warm California sun... It was a great experience.
However, there were some things that were a little too much for me (shocking, right?!). For example, most people there were doing some sort of drug (mostly weed), and instead of being nice people about it, they usually just blew the smoke right into your face. I am pretty sure after four days of CONSTANTLY smelling that, I was high by association. Not only was there weed smoke, but cigarette smoke like crazy! It was making me sick, especially being in the sun and even though I was drinking enough water, spending 8 hours in the sun wears you out! People were also doing other drugs, especially at night, and would look directly at you and still ram their entire body into you. IT was overwhelming. I don't do crowds that well. And when the sun went down, more people started coming into the festival, high on drugs, and being even more obnoxious.
But, like I said, I had a blast. It was the first real trip the beloved and I took, and while we had a friend tag along with us, the days of the music were mostly just us. I enjoyed just walking in the sun, with the beloveds arm around my shoulders, mine around his waist, and just enjoying the lovely weather and wonderful music.
Speaking of music, I saw some amazing stuff.
Florence & the Machine= fucking incredible. That lady has so much energy, so much talent, and is so wonderful that I couldn't help but dance the entire time
Girl Talk=nerdy little white DJ who mixes popular songs with other popular songs that are 100% different than the first song. great show, great energy, great dancing.
Beats Antique=amazing band. all instruments. they had some super rad belly dancers and made it more of a performance, not just playing instruments.
Radiohead=I have to say, the change in Thom Yorke is awesome. When he first started touring, he stood around looking miserable, now he is this crazy dancing machine and he's just so cute!
James= an oldie but a goodie. probably called Thom and gave him dancing lessons.
Kaiser Chiefs=band I got introduced to in England... such a great rock band
M83=awesome DJ show.
Pulp=Super rad dudes
There's much more, but can I remember? of course not! because it's all a blur! Although, we did admit that most of the bands we enjoyed were British, so I just said we should probably move there since we enjoy their music so much. ;) maybe one day.
Since we've been back, we took last week to kind of regroup and relax. We went to bed at 7.30 in the evening the monday we returned. Tired? yep!
This past weekend we worked around the house. The previous owners let the house get a little shitty looking, so we did things like cleaned the windows and replaced the screens. Made a huge difference! Sunday we worked in the garden and prepped our soil for all the veggies we're getting. We also did some much needed weeding. Made the back and front yard look so much better! I planted our onion bulbs yesterday! I hope I did it right. I also noticed yesterday that all of our four indoor tomato plants have tomatoes on them! Yay! I didn't kill them!
We go on vacation again in about three weeks. We're headed to Davis, CA. for a memorial service for the beloveds gradfather. His mother will be flying in from the UK next week and will spend almost the entire month of May in California. I am looking forward to meeting her and the whole family. We're going to be doing a lot of cooking for the memorial service because Chris, his mom, and I all eat pretty much the same and would much rather know where the food came from, that it's organic, what's in it, and that it was prepared correctly. But luckily, we have a lot of awesome receipes between the two of us, so it shouldn't be a big deal at all! The day after we arrive is his moms birthday, and then the day after the memorial service, it's my birthday! It will be birthday celebration week! It was funny because we bought plane tickets at the same time, but using different credit cards. Both of us are aisle seaters, so luckily when we bought our tickets we got to change our seats so that we're sitting across from each other the entire time. Probably because we are taking super late flights and no one wants to fly late, but it was nice to be able to do that. It will be our first flight together! We're doing a lot of firsts and I am enjoying it every step.
And it's finally spring here in Flagstaff! The sun has been out, it's been warm, it's been breezy, and it's staying light so much darker! Which means I can stay up a little bit longer! :) love it.
However, there were some things that were a little too much for me (shocking, right?!). For example, most people there were doing some sort of drug (mostly weed), and instead of being nice people about it, they usually just blew the smoke right into your face. I am pretty sure after four days of CONSTANTLY smelling that, I was high by association. Not only was there weed smoke, but cigarette smoke like crazy! It was making me sick, especially being in the sun and even though I was drinking enough water, spending 8 hours in the sun wears you out! People were also doing other drugs, especially at night, and would look directly at you and still ram their entire body into you. IT was overwhelming. I don't do crowds that well. And when the sun went down, more people started coming into the festival, high on drugs, and being even more obnoxious.
But, like I said, I had a blast. It was the first real trip the beloved and I took, and while we had a friend tag along with us, the days of the music were mostly just us. I enjoyed just walking in the sun, with the beloveds arm around my shoulders, mine around his waist, and just enjoying the lovely weather and wonderful music.
Speaking of music, I saw some amazing stuff.
Florence & the Machine= fucking incredible. That lady has so much energy, so much talent, and is so wonderful that I couldn't help but dance the entire time
Girl Talk=nerdy little white DJ who mixes popular songs with other popular songs that are 100% different than the first song. great show, great energy, great dancing.
Beats Antique=amazing band. all instruments. they had some super rad belly dancers and made it more of a performance, not just playing instruments.
Radiohead=I have to say, the change in Thom Yorke is awesome. When he first started touring, he stood around looking miserable, now he is this crazy dancing machine and he's just so cute!
James= an oldie but a goodie. probably called Thom and gave him dancing lessons.
Kaiser Chiefs=band I got introduced to in England... such a great rock band
M83=awesome DJ show.
Pulp=Super rad dudes
There's much more, but can I remember? of course not! because it's all a blur! Although, we did admit that most of the bands we enjoyed were British, so I just said we should probably move there since we enjoy their music so much. ;) maybe one day.
Since we've been back, we took last week to kind of regroup and relax. We went to bed at 7.30 in the evening the monday we returned. Tired? yep!
This past weekend we worked around the house. The previous owners let the house get a little shitty looking, so we did things like cleaned the windows and replaced the screens. Made a huge difference! Sunday we worked in the garden and prepped our soil for all the veggies we're getting. We also did some much needed weeding. Made the back and front yard look so much better! I planted our onion bulbs yesterday! I hope I did it right. I also noticed yesterday that all of our four indoor tomato plants have tomatoes on them! Yay! I didn't kill them!
We go on vacation again in about three weeks. We're headed to Davis, CA. for a memorial service for the beloveds gradfather. His mother will be flying in from the UK next week and will spend almost the entire month of May in California. I am looking forward to meeting her and the whole family. We're going to be doing a lot of cooking for the memorial service because Chris, his mom, and I all eat pretty much the same and would much rather know where the food came from, that it's organic, what's in it, and that it was prepared correctly. But luckily, we have a lot of awesome receipes between the two of us, so it shouldn't be a big deal at all! The day after we arrive is his moms birthday, and then the day after the memorial service, it's my birthday! It will be birthday celebration week! It was funny because we bought plane tickets at the same time, but using different credit cards. Both of us are aisle seaters, so luckily when we bought our tickets we got to change our seats so that we're sitting across from each other the entire time. Probably because we are taking super late flights and no one wants to fly late, but it was nice to be able to do that. It will be our first flight together! We're doing a lot of firsts and I am enjoying it every step.
And it's finally spring here in Flagstaff! The sun has been out, it's been warm, it's been breezy, and it's staying light so much darker! Which means I can stay up a little bit longer! :) love it.
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
1 week exactly
I am going to a music festival called Coachella in exactly one week. I am super stoked, as I have never been to a large music festival like this, and the bands that are headlining are awesome! Hello The Black Keys and Radiohead. Snoop dogg is headlining on Sunday, but I don't really care about that. Other artists that are going to be there are Yuck, James, M83, Explosions in the sky, etc. etc. I am so excited about this. We will be leaving next Wednesday after work to drive to Indio, Ca., camp, and then head to the festival early morning in hopes of getting an awesome camp spot. We're camping at the actual venue, so it will be nice not having to drive around every where. We are going with my friend LC, who is also really excited. It should be a good 4 days! The festival ends on Sunday night and then we'll drive back to Flagstaff Monday morning.
A month after that, we are flying to Davis to see the beloveds family. I am excited to meet his mom (flying out from the UK), his aunt, his grandma, all the women in his life that have raised the most considerate, kind man I know. We will be there for my birthday, which is fine, as long as I am with the beloved, that's all that matters. The main reason for going is because the beloveds grandfather died the after Christmas, so they are just now doing a celebration of life ceremony. I have never been to Davis, so I am looking forward to visiting and going to the ocean! aw, bliss. His mom usually comes out every other year, so I am hoping she will be coming out in the monsoon season later this fall so she can stay with us for a bit, and to see our awesome garden.
By the way, we are in the works of a HUGE garden. Any by HUGE, I mean we will probably be growing about 80 items of vegetables. EIGHTY! It's gonna be awesome. I just planted three daisy bushes this last weekend, which will be nice to have, and I have some seeds to throw out to brighten the place up because almost our entire back yard is a garden. I can't wait. Especially since we have been slowly eliminating all the animal protein we are eating. We pretty much only eat chicken now.
I had my first bakery customer today! I made a two tiered red velvet cake with cream cheese frosting. all organic. all fresh, all amazing. It was pretty exciting to do that.
Other than that, not much going on. Spend the weekends in the garden, spend the days at work. It's pretty fucking great.
A month after that, we are flying to Davis to see the beloveds family. I am excited to meet his mom (flying out from the UK), his aunt, his grandma, all the women in his life that have raised the most considerate, kind man I know. We will be there for my birthday, which is fine, as long as I am with the beloved, that's all that matters. The main reason for going is because the beloveds grandfather died the after Christmas, so they are just now doing a celebration of life ceremony. I have never been to Davis, so I am looking forward to visiting and going to the ocean! aw, bliss. His mom usually comes out every other year, so I am hoping she will be coming out in the monsoon season later this fall so she can stay with us for a bit, and to see our awesome garden.
By the way, we are in the works of a HUGE garden. Any by HUGE, I mean we will probably be growing about 80 items of vegetables. EIGHTY! It's gonna be awesome. I just planted three daisy bushes this last weekend, which will be nice to have, and I have some seeds to throw out to brighten the place up because almost our entire back yard is a garden. I can't wait. Especially since we have been slowly eliminating all the animal protein we are eating. We pretty much only eat chicken now.
I had my first bakery customer today! I made a two tiered red velvet cake with cream cheese frosting. all organic. all fresh, all amazing. It was pretty exciting to do that.
Other than that, not much going on. Spend the weekends in the garden, spend the days at work. It's pretty fucking great.
Thursday, March 15, 2012
30
No, I am not turning 30... Still got a couple more years for that adventure! But 30 is the amount of weight I have lost since I graduated from my M.A. program back in May. I was a whopping 200 pounds when I graduated, and I am between 168-170 now.
How'd I do it?
I switched my diet completely. I switched to all organic and I started eating a lot more fruits and vegetables. I am dating someone who is on the same path as me when it comes to food, so that helped. Then I got a juicer. The beloved had a juicer when we first started going together, and we juiced at least once a weekend when we stayed at his house. Then I bought mine in October and I have been juicing ever since. It's amazing! We go through a ton of produce, but I feel so good juicing! I would like to do a week of nothing but juice, but gotta make sure the beloved is on board because it may not work too well if only I am doing it... I lack self-discipline sometimes. Plus, it's always good to have a buddy with you.
At the end of November I developed this HORRID stomach problem. Most likely to the ridiculousness of the holiday and people being retarded. I was stressed about money, about gifts, about being away from my love... It caused me not to be able to eat that much. I tried to eat a little bit here and there, but it felt like there was a knife in my stomach at all times. I dropped a lot of weight going through that. about 10 pounds... It finally got better in January when I realized that everything is fine! Being away from the beloved was ok, the house was ours, we were moving soon... it all just fell into place.
We got away from juicing for the first month we lived in the new house; we were always doing stuff and needed quick food. Of course we still ate good, healthy, organic food, but juicing happened maybe once or twice a week.
We've been juicing now for two weeks straight; every morning we prepare our fresh veggies (4 carrots, 3 stalks of celery, 3 lettuce leaves, half a beet each) and fruit (1 apple only half per person). It is so delicious and it gives me essential vitamins and nutrients to get through the day.
Since I have lost so much weight, I made it a goal on Sunday to start running every day. It's so much easier to run without all that weight on me. I ran a half marathon last January and felt like I was going to die. Because when you're 200 pounds, you haven't trained, and you have to run/walk 13.1 miles, you feel like you're gonna die. So now I run around our neighborhood every day. I wasn't going to yesterday, but as I was walking to the mailbox, I literally yelled at myself and said I was being stupid. The loop around the neighborhood that I am doing is only .7 miles, but it's a start. I think the last time I started running, my problem was going balls to the wall, which made me not want to run anymore. the .7 mile though isn't a flat awesome run. No. There are hills... our whole neighborhood is filled with huge steep hills since we're on the base of the mountain (literally. the trail to is right up the street). But It's getting easier and I am getting faster. I stop less, and I congratulate myself every time I run. I want to be able to run the whole loop without stopping, and then I will incorporate a second loop. I will become a runner and I will tone these damn legs. One thing about losing weight and not doing it with exercise is that you get horrible cellulite and jiggles. So it's my goal to tone these babies up and continue to lose more weight.
I know I can do it. I have come this far. I want to lose another 20-30 pounds, but will take one step at a time. As long as I am healthy and fit, I can't complain, even if that means only losing 5 more pounds.
How'd I do it?
I switched my diet completely. I switched to all organic and I started eating a lot more fruits and vegetables. I am dating someone who is on the same path as me when it comes to food, so that helped. Then I got a juicer. The beloved had a juicer when we first started going together, and we juiced at least once a weekend when we stayed at his house. Then I bought mine in October and I have been juicing ever since. It's amazing! We go through a ton of produce, but I feel so good juicing! I would like to do a week of nothing but juice, but gotta make sure the beloved is on board because it may not work too well if only I am doing it... I lack self-discipline sometimes. Plus, it's always good to have a buddy with you.
At the end of November I developed this HORRID stomach problem. Most likely to the ridiculousness of the holiday and people being retarded. I was stressed about money, about gifts, about being away from my love... It caused me not to be able to eat that much. I tried to eat a little bit here and there, but it felt like there was a knife in my stomach at all times. I dropped a lot of weight going through that. about 10 pounds... It finally got better in January when I realized that everything is fine! Being away from the beloved was ok, the house was ours, we were moving soon... it all just fell into place.
We got away from juicing for the first month we lived in the new house; we were always doing stuff and needed quick food. Of course we still ate good, healthy, organic food, but juicing happened maybe once or twice a week.
We've been juicing now for two weeks straight; every morning we prepare our fresh veggies (4 carrots, 3 stalks of celery, 3 lettuce leaves, half a beet each) and fruit (1 apple only half per person). It is so delicious and it gives me essential vitamins and nutrients to get through the day.
Since I have lost so much weight, I made it a goal on Sunday to start running every day. It's so much easier to run without all that weight on me. I ran a half marathon last January and felt like I was going to die. Because when you're 200 pounds, you haven't trained, and you have to run/walk 13.1 miles, you feel like you're gonna die. So now I run around our neighborhood every day. I wasn't going to yesterday, but as I was walking to the mailbox, I literally yelled at myself and said I was being stupid. The loop around the neighborhood that I am doing is only .7 miles, but it's a start. I think the last time I started running, my problem was going balls to the wall, which made me not want to run anymore. the .7 mile though isn't a flat awesome run. No. There are hills... our whole neighborhood is filled with huge steep hills since we're on the base of the mountain (literally. the trail to is right up the street). But It's getting easier and I am getting faster. I stop less, and I congratulate myself every time I run. I want to be able to run the whole loop without stopping, and then I will incorporate a second loop. I will become a runner and I will tone these damn legs. One thing about losing weight and not doing it with exercise is that you get horrible cellulite and jiggles. So it's my goal to tone these babies up and continue to lose more weight.
I know I can do it. I have come this far. I want to lose another 20-30 pounds, but will take one step at a time. As long as I am healthy and fit, I can't complain, even if that means only losing 5 more pounds.
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
maybe it's all the books... or an awakening
As of lately, I have been having a lot of dreams/flash backs to different times. It could be the books that I am reading that are bringing things that I have kept hidden to the surface. It could be the direction my life has taken (what a great direction it's been). It could be just me going deeper into my core, my soul, myself in order to figure out where I've been, whose been there, what's happened. This whole new experience could be something that has been coming for a long time, but it's just now hit me because I am finally in a place where I am exceedingly happy and open to whatever the universe needs to throw at me.
Last night was an interesting night. I went to bed at 10 pm, and woke up at 1 am after having a dream. A good dream, that's for sure, but I don't even know if it was a dream, or a premonition from the past. It felt so real, so familiar, like I had been there and heard the words before. I then woke up at 3, again after a dream, which I cannot remember. I woke up at 4 and then again at 6. I finally woke up at 7 because there was a knocking on our roof. Can I just say that this happens a lot and it always wakes us up and we start our day. I for sure see it as being a sign to wake up and start our day, but sometimes, I try so hard to ignore it. And when that happens, it becomes more consistent and more loud. What's interesting is that while we were taking a shower this morning, beloved woke up at the exact same times I did throughout this morning. He also heard the knocking on the roof at 7.
This morning was the first time in the past couple days that I have actually dreamt, or rather, remembered my dreams. I have been sick since Thursday, so I have been sleeping for 13-14 hours a night, but I think my body has been so busy trying to kill this head cold, that it hasn't had time to fully relax and let me enter sleep state. So it was nice to have these dreams today, and to know that I remembered some of them. And that they could easily be past lives, past realities... that they may not be dreams, but to remember what's happened in the past, who was there, and what was said. It took me awhile to finally remember the main dream, but once I did, it came back in full, colourful detail.
Last night was an interesting night. I went to bed at 10 pm, and woke up at 1 am after having a dream. A good dream, that's for sure, but I don't even know if it was a dream, or a premonition from the past. It felt so real, so familiar, like I had been there and heard the words before. I then woke up at 3, again after a dream, which I cannot remember. I woke up at 4 and then again at 6. I finally woke up at 7 because there was a knocking on our roof. Can I just say that this happens a lot and it always wakes us up and we start our day. I for sure see it as being a sign to wake up and start our day, but sometimes, I try so hard to ignore it. And when that happens, it becomes more consistent and more loud. What's interesting is that while we were taking a shower this morning, beloved woke up at the exact same times I did throughout this morning. He also heard the knocking on the roof at 7.
This morning was the first time in the past couple days that I have actually dreamt, or rather, remembered my dreams. I have been sick since Thursday, so I have been sleeping for 13-14 hours a night, but I think my body has been so busy trying to kill this head cold, that it hasn't had time to fully relax and let me enter sleep state. So it was nice to have these dreams today, and to know that I remembered some of them. And that they could easily be past lives, past realities... that they may not be dreams, but to remember what's happened in the past, who was there, and what was said. It took me awhile to finally remember the main dream, but once I did, it came back in full, colourful detail.
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
something was awakened
I was recently part of a local performance of Eve Ensler's "The Vagina Monologues." It was something I went to on a regular basis; something that I really enjoyed and felt familiar. Sitting in the audience, I was in awe at the women on stage, but something felt familiar. There was a tug on my soul, a feeling of needing to be on that stage, to be part of this production.
Now, I have been on a stage ever since I was little. I can't deny that... I was part of choir since I was in kindergarten... I loved being on that stage and singing my heart out. I remember a picture of me while in in kindergarten during our Christmas show, and I was smiling, wearing a halo, and wearing my red cast proud. I sung all through grade school, middle school, and for the last two years of high school. Getting into college, I put off choir for a year, but then sang in it until I left for England for a semester. Once I got back, I lost touch with singing and being on stage, but always debated on why I didn't feel 100% into it while singing.
And then it hit me. I auditioned for The Vagina Monologues, and I was enthusiastic about it. I felt a little nervous since I had lost the memory of being on stage, from performing, but I nailed it. It felt right, complete, where I needed to be.
I was very strict on going to every practice and giving it my all. Eventually the nervousness subsided and I got more and more comfortable. Just like I used to. Not just in choir for my life, but it felt familiar, maybe from a past life.
I practiced in my bathroom, working on my moves, my entrances, how I pronounce every single letter correctly in the script. It just clicked. I rocked. I was good.
Then came the actual performance this last Saturday. As soon as I walked through the curtains and went on stage, arms raised, costume on, I got an overwhelming sense of cheers and applause... but it was more than that. I felt like I was home.
The energy that came from me, I believe was felt from the audience. My presence on that stage was something I had never felt or had before; I felt strong, confident, and that I had been doing this for over one hundred years. I was this force that couldn't be reckoned with... I was unstoppable. I had fun. I worked my skit, I worked my body, I worked the audience. For being a beginner in this life for acting, I think it was noticeable that this wasn't my first time acting in the lifespan of my soul. It was an incredible feeling.
Needless to say, this performance sparked something in me, resurrected my soul. Brought back memories of performing a long time ago. I will be doing more of this; being on stage performing... it something that i need to continue to do. It was so releasing and so much fun. It was familiar and it was home.
This of course, is a funny post since I just got done reading, "The Power of Coincidence: How life shows us what we need to know" by David Richo. This book discusses meaningful coincidences and surprising connections occur that occur all the time in our daily lives, yet we often fail to appreciate how they can guide us, warn us, and confirm us on our life's path. This book explores how meaningful coincidence operates in our daily lives, in our intimate relationships, and in our creative endeavors.
Of course, this book and the play go hand-in-hand together. To think otherwise would be obscure and ridiculous. To be open to these coincidences and synchronicities is how you find not only what to do with this life, but what you've done in the past to make you choose this life.
I will be paying more attention to open casting calls for the local theatre production here to do more of this. I can't deny that it felt right and I had a ton of fun. I will also be participating in the Vagina Monologues again next year, that's for damn sure.
Now, I have been on a stage ever since I was little. I can't deny that... I was part of choir since I was in kindergarten... I loved being on that stage and singing my heart out. I remember a picture of me while in in kindergarten during our Christmas show, and I was smiling, wearing a halo, and wearing my red cast proud. I sung all through grade school, middle school, and for the last two years of high school. Getting into college, I put off choir for a year, but then sang in it until I left for England for a semester. Once I got back, I lost touch with singing and being on stage, but always debated on why I didn't feel 100% into it while singing.
And then it hit me. I auditioned for The Vagina Monologues, and I was enthusiastic about it. I felt a little nervous since I had lost the memory of being on stage, from performing, but I nailed it. It felt right, complete, where I needed to be.
I was very strict on going to every practice and giving it my all. Eventually the nervousness subsided and I got more and more comfortable. Just like I used to. Not just in choir for my life, but it felt familiar, maybe from a past life.
I practiced in my bathroom, working on my moves, my entrances, how I pronounce every single letter correctly in the script. It just clicked. I rocked. I was good.
Then came the actual performance this last Saturday. As soon as I walked through the curtains and went on stage, arms raised, costume on, I got an overwhelming sense of cheers and applause... but it was more than that. I felt like I was home.
The energy that came from me, I believe was felt from the audience. My presence on that stage was something I had never felt or had before; I felt strong, confident, and that I had been doing this for over one hundred years. I was this force that couldn't be reckoned with... I was unstoppable. I had fun. I worked my skit, I worked my body, I worked the audience. For being a beginner in this life for acting, I think it was noticeable that this wasn't my first time acting in the lifespan of my soul. It was an incredible feeling.
Needless to say, this performance sparked something in me, resurrected my soul. Brought back memories of performing a long time ago. I will be doing more of this; being on stage performing... it something that i need to continue to do. It was so releasing and so much fun. It was familiar and it was home.
This of course, is a funny post since I just got done reading, "The Power of Coincidence: How life shows us what we need to know" by David Richo. This book discusses meaningful coincidences and surprising connections occur that occur all the time in our daily lives, yet we often fail to appreciate how they can guide us, warn us, and confirm us on our life's path. This book explores how meaningful coincidence operates in our daily lives, in our intimate relationships, and in our creative endeavors.
Of course, this book and the play go hand-in-hand together. To think otherwise would be obscure and ridiculous. To be open to these coincidences and synchronicities is how you find not only what to do with this life, but what you've done in the past to make you choose this life.
I will be paying more attention to open casting calls for the local theatre production here to do more of this. I can't deny that it felt right and I had a ton of fun. I will also be participating in the Vagina Monologues again next year, that's for damn sure.
Monday, February 13, 2012
Gonna love you till my dyin' day
Today is a day that people associate with love. It seems that today is the day where you are supposed to flatter your special someone, or your daughter, mother, grandmother with some flowers and chocolate and loooove.
But for me, this day has nothing to do with the consumeristic holiday that people give into. Nope. Today is a day about my auntie.
The 14th of February is her birthday. And while I may not be able to celebrate with her today, I will make sure to celebrate it on the 24th when she comes into Flagstaff!
We're kind of two peas in a pod. A soul that's been in my life for forever. A person who has encouraged me through out my entire life and sends me boxes full of tooth brushes and tooth paste. Because we all know how dental hygeine is important.
I am a very lucky lady to have someone so amazing in my life. She's independent, she's smart, and she's goofy. All characteristics I love in people. And she's a genuine person who recognizes peoples feelings and showers the ones she loves with nothing but love and smiles.
She listens to me rant about all the bull-shit that seems to be in my head lately, and she lets my cry and doesn't judge me when I have snot running down my face at a fast rate. She don't care.
She loves my fake girlfriend who I took to see a few years back. She appreciates music and how it can touch and move our soul. She loves my art work and encourages me to do more.
She'll always be my valentine, and I will always be her. And I know that no matter what, she's one I can count on through thick and thin.
So, happy birthday, my dearest auntie. I love you so very much. And I am going to till my dyin' day. And in the next life too. But luckily, we don't have to worry about that anytime soon.
But for me, this day has nothing to do with the consumeristic holiday that people give into. Nope. Today is a day about my auntie.
The 14th of February is her birthday. And while I may not be able to celebrate with her today, I will make sure to celebrate it on the 24th when she comes into Flagstaff!
We're kind of two peas in a pod. A soul that's been in my life for forever. A person who has encouraged me through out my entire life and sends me boxes full of tooth brushes and tooth paste. Because we all know how dental hygeine is important.
I am a very lucky lady to have someone so amazing in my life. She's independent, she's smart, and she's goofy. All characteristics I love in people. And she's a genuine person who recognizes peoples feelings and showers the ones she loves with nothing but love and smiles.
She listens to me rant about all the bull-shit that seems to be in my head lately, and she lets my cry and doesn't judge me when I have snot running down my face at a fast rate. She don't care.
She loves my fake girlfriend who I took to see a few years back. She appreciates music and how it can touch and move our soul. She loves my art work and encourages me to do more.
She'll always be my valentine, and I will always be her. And I know that no matter what, she's one I can count on through thick and thin.
So, happy birthday, my dearest auntie. I love you so very much. And I am going to till my dyin' day. And in the next life too. But luckily, we don't have to worry about that anytime soon.
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
souls
Death is a funny thing. Whether it’s an actual death of a person, animal, plant, etc., it’s funny. I have become more open and more aware of the souls I have encountered over my lives, and while I can’t say that I have had many lives or that my soul is old, I can tell I am not a new soul.
The other week, I asked the beloved when he first noticed me. His answer was my first day of work; 1/11/10. Then, I asked when he first recognized me. He was a little hesitant at first, but said it was the same day, he just didn’t know how he recognized me. I noticed and recognized him the first day of work as well; there was something familiar, safe, comforting in this man and I needed to know more. I recognized his soul, but I couldn’t place his soul; I couldn’t figure out how he fit into my life in the present as well as the past. It was every day I would go into his office to just talk to him for a little bit—to probe and get to know this person that felt so familiar to me. I had no problem spilling my guts and not holding back. I felt like there were no secrets, and if there were, he already knew them.
Things didn’t progress until we started talking and hanging out more outside of work in November of 2010. Once we got out of the work environment and were both ready for things to reveal themselves, things slowly started clicking. The once distant, obscure man that I met back in January was slowly unraveling; become less distant, less obscure, and ready to answer any question I asked, without hesitation. That trust, that bond was something that made me realize that this person has and will always be in my life.
After we discussed when we noticed/recognized each other, I said, “It took you long enough to find me!” The beloved responded in almost the same way. It’s funny how that happens. I think a lot of the people in our life, which we feel this connection to, are ones we started out with. When we were a fresh, new soul, we clung to certain souls—souls that took us into their world and showed us things—souls that allowed us to grow and experience things, even though they knew that it was perhaps not the best idea. There are a few people, a few souls that I recognize and have had in all of my lives.
There are people I haven’t actually met yet that I feel like I know; people who I have spoken to over Skype, and while I haven’t even been able to see them, there’s something familiar there. I look forward to the time when we actually meet, and if I am right, which my gut tells me I am, there will be much to catch up on.
People are not aware of who they are. People are lost in the ether of superficial bull-shit, the ego, self-importance, and they are completely unaware of their surroundings. It’s hard to see someone you once held so close fall into this. But, what I have realized is that if they are going to fall into this ether, I would rather just wholly remove myself and watch from the sidelines as they continue to fall, hopefully notice and try to change, and climb back up from the massive hole of alienation, self-importance, and stupidity that they dug for themselves.
I will continue to wish nothing but the best, but realize I am no longer around anymore. Maybe once that realization that not only me, but others have left, things will improve for you. So I bid you adieu. Good luck. I have too many people/souls in my life that treat me right, that appreciate me and my being, who don’t let petty things alter the way they feel about me. Those are the ones I am sticking with. And I am perfectly content with that because they have nothing but love in their core.
The other week, I asked the beloved when he first noticed me. His answer was my first day of work; 1/11/10. Then, I asked when he first recognized me. He was a little hesitant at first, but said it was the same day, he just didn’t know how he recognized me. I noticed and recognized him the first day of work as well; there was something familiar, safe, comforting in this man and I needed to know more. I recognized his soul, but I couldn’t place his soul; I couldn’t figure out how he fit into my life in the present as well as the past. It was every day I would go into his office to just talk to him for a little bit—to probe and get to know this person that felt so familiar to me. I had no problem spilling my guts and not holding back. I felt like there were no secrets, and if there were, he already knew them.
Things didn’t progress until we started talking and hanging out more outside of work in November of 2010. Once we got out of the work environment and were both ready for things to reveal themselves, things slowly started clicking. The once distant, obscure man that I met back in January was slowly unraveling; become less distant, less obscure, and ready to answer any question I asked, without hesitation. That trust, that bond was something that made me realize that this person has and will always be in my life.
After we discussed when we noticed/recognized each other, I said, “It took you long enough to find me!” The beloved responded in almost the same way. It’s funny how that happens. I think a lot of the people in our life, which we feel this connection to, are ones we started out with. When we were a fresh, new soul, we clung to certain souls—souls that took us into their world and showed us things—souls that allowed us to grow and experience things, even though they knew that it was perhaps not the best idea. There are a few people, a few souls that I recognize and have had in all of my lives.
There are people I haven’t actually met yet that I feel like I know; people who I have spoken to over Skype, and while I haven’t even been able to see them, there’s something familiar there. I look forward to the time when we actually meet, and if I am right, which my gut tells me I am, there will be much to catch up on.
People are not aware of who they are. People are lost in the ether of superficial bull-shit, the ego, self-importance, and they are completely unaware of their surroundings. It’s hard to see someone you once held so close fall into this. But, what I have realized is that if they are going to fall into this ether, I would rather just wholly remove myself and watch from the sidelines as they continue to fall, hopefully notice and try to change, and climb back up from the massive hole of alienation, self-importance, and stupidity that they dug for themselves.
I will continue to wish nothing but the best, but realize I am no longer around anymore. Maybe once that realization that not only me, but others have left, things will improve for you. So I bid you adieu. Good luck. I have too many people/souls in my life that treat me right, that appreciate me and my being, who don’t let petty things alter the way they feel about me. Those are the ones I am sticking with. And I am perfectly content with that because they have nothing but love in their core.
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
changing times
So, this past year I have become more involved in the food that I eat. I realized I am allergic to gluten, so I have cut it out of my diet (mostly... I still eat tortillas every once in awhile, but not often). I have also switched to a 100% organic diet, where before, I was maybe only 50%. I have cut out almost all processed foods except corn chips, tortillas, and turkey jerky. But, I make sure to check the ingredients so that it doesn't have "natural flavour" cause we ALL KNOW that natural flavor is not natural. I try to buy things that I know what the ingredients are... and let me tell you, it's made a huge difference.
After watching movies like, "Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead," "Food Matters," "Fork Over Knife," and reading books such as the "Omnivores Dilemma," I have realized that what I was putting in my mouth was slowly going to kill me. I feel better eating mostly fruits and vegetables. I feel better eating foods I have made and know that all the products are organic, local, and fresh.
I got a juicer back in October, and it's made getting my daily intake of fruits and vegetables a lot easier. It's also freakin' delicious. This morning I had two bunches of spinach, a half a cucumber, three carrots, three apples, a pear, half a beat, and a half a lemon. And it tasted so good. I just bought a stainless steal insulated thermos so that I can start bringing juice to work with me for lunch. I would like to do a two week juice diet where all I eat, or rather drink, is juice.
Since I have changed my diet, I have lost 20 pounds since May. I don't necessarily feel like I look like I have lost 20 pounds, but I can tell in my clothes and the way I feel. It is not just about losing weight, which is why I have failed so many diets and exercise regimes. I am doing it this time to be healthy. To not get sick, to feel better, to make sure I know exactly where and what I am putting in my mouth. I still treat myself to chocolate or a some gluten-free brownies, but I stay away from it most of the time.
I honestly believe that we don't need medicine or doctors to treat diseases and illnesses like cancer or a common cold. I think that the drugs that doctors and the FDA give people only treat the symptoms, not the actual reason as to why you're sick.
Watch the movies I mentioned above. You'll become a believer.
After watching movies like, "Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead," "Food Matters," "Fork Over Knife," and reading books such as the "Omnivores Dilemma," I have realized that what I was putting in my mouth was slowly going to kill me. I feel better eating mostly fruits and vegetables. I feel better eating foods I have made and know that all the products are organic, local, and fresh.
I got a juicer back in October, and it's made getting my daily intake of fruits and vegetables a lot easier. It's also freakin' delicious. This morning I had two bunches of spinach, a half a cucumber, three carrots, three apples, a pear, half a beat, and a half a lemon. And it tasted so good. I just bought a stainless steal insulated thermos so that I can start bringing juice to work with me for lunch. I would like to do a two week juice diet where all I eat, or rather drink, is juice.
Since I have changed my diet, I have lost 20 pounds since May. I don't necessarily feel like I look like I have lost 20 pounds, but I can tell in my clothes and the way I feel. It is not just about losing weight, which is why I have failed so many diets and exercise regimes. I am doing it this time to be healthy. To not get sick, to feel better, to make sure I know exactly where and what I am putting in my mouth. I still treat myself to chocolate or a some gluten-free brownies, but I stay away from it most of the time.
I honestly believe that we don't need medicine or doctors to treat diseases and illnesses like cancer or a common cold. I think that the drugs that doctors and the FDA give people only treat the symptoms, not the actual reason as to why you're sick.
Watch the movies I mentioned above. You'll become a believer.
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
2012
I can't believe it's already 2012. I had such a wonderful 2011... Master's graduation, sky diving, concerts, moving, finding the one person I feel like I have been searching for, for awhile... 2011 was such a great year, and I know 2012 is going to be even greater.
I spent New Years Eve with the beloved having a wonderful bottle of wine, good food, a bath, and spending it at home. I did stay awake till the new year, but promptly went to bed at 12.07.
I am moving out of my current house in less than two weeks to move in with my beloved. He has bought a lovely house, and I am so excited for this move. I have never lived with anyone that I have dated, so it will be a new experience. But I am so utterly excited about it. I can't wait to sleep together every night. To wake up to him every morning. To sit on the couch reading while he plays video games... I have spent the past 6 nights wit him, and this is the first night we are not together. I am sure it's good, I was able to look through all the things I have in storage and got rid of a lot of stuff that I didn't really need. It's so refreshing. What's funny is that most of my boxes consist of books. When I moved where I currently am, I think I had about 8 boxes of books, which was the majority of my boxes. The new house has built in bookshelves upstairs where the little office loft is next to the bedroom, so I am excited to see how many books between the two of us can fit up there.
I am excited for the adventures of 2012... I am hoping more fly fishing, more camping, more baking, disc golf, traveling, and reading. The last week and a half I have read four books... that's amazing. It is so nice to read all the time.
I also officially started my full-time job! Yay more money, benefits, retirement, and security! I can't wait. 2012 is going to be fan-fucking-tastic.
I spent New Years Eve with the beloved having a wonderful bottle of wine, good food, a bath, and spending it at home. I did stay awake till the new year, but promptly went to bed at 12.07.
I am moving out of my current house in less than two weeks to move in with my beloved. He has bought a lovely house, and I am so excited for this move. I have never lived with anyone that I have dated, so it will be a new experience. But I am so utterly excited about it. I can't wait to sleep together every night. To wake up to him every morning. To sit on the couch reading while he plays video games... I have spent the past 6 nights wit him, and this is the first night we are not together. I am sure it's good, I was able to look through all the things I have in storage and got rid of a lot of stuff that I didn't really need. It's so refreshing. What's funny is that most of my boxes consist of books. When I moved where I currently am, I think I had about 8 boxes of books, which was the majority of my boxes. The new house has built in bookshelves upstairs where the little office loft is next to the bedroom, so I am excited to see how many books between the two of us can fit up there.
I am excited for the adventures of 2012... I am hoping more fly fishing, more camping, more baking, disc golf, traveling, and reading. The last week and a half I have read four books... that's amazing. It is so nice to read all the time.
I also officially started my full-time job! Yay more money, benefits, retirement, and security! I can't wait. 2012 is going to be fan-fucking-tastic.
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